Anywho, the one element of that freshman fantasy that did stay with me was the whole floppy straw hat thing. This winter, I was watching "The Jewel of the Nile" on the Man Hater Channel, and in the opening scene, Kathleen Turner - playing a dimwitted journalist doing a story on a shady Emir in an ambiguous Middle Eastern location - is sitting on a boat wearing some brootiful, romantic straw accoutrement. It was then that I decided that this would be the summer where I put aside my irrational fear of looking like a Kentucky Derby yuppy or pre-amnesia "Overboard" Goldie Hawn and jump on the big summer hat bandwagon. After unsuccessfully hunting for one that actually fit my big head, I was getting slightly discouraged. However, last Saturday at the mall during a Shoe Shopping Death March, I was drawn by unseen forces into Gap. I don't know how this happened because I hate all Gap Inc stores and their crappy products, but as I was unenthusiastically poking through their accessories section I saw that, GOD BLESS THEM, THEIR HATS COME IN SIZE LARGE! So I got this:
But guess what, Gap? I still hate you.