minihorse

Happy Seasonal Affective Disorder Awareness Month

2011-12-20T09:25:00.004-06:00

Oh look, here's a stuffed Beholder monster from Dungeons and Dragons that I made for my Secret Santee a few weeks ago....

HAIRCUTMONTAGE

2011-12-15T10:07:00.003-06:00

This is my little brother. We don't have much in common. He is the iron-pumping Abercrombie mall-cop wannabe firefighter, and I'm the flabby library artist granola-tofu-kombucha "hippie". And still, one of the best parts about going home is when I'm standing precariously on the edge of the bathtub with our wonky old hair clippers in hand, and he says, "Do what you want, and then shave it all off". Then we laugh and talk about funny youtube videos while I give him mohawks and devil horns.

Same goes for my older brother and dad, of course- except they are less adventurous with their hair, and instead of youtube, it's talk of old movies and time travel, respectively.

2011-11-29T14:04:00.003-06:00

Hey, remember when I used to have that blog feature called "Things That Look Like Other Things"?

Well, here's a tent that looks a slice of watermelon.
Yours, for a cool $774.

via Nevver

2011-11-21T14:53:00.004-06:00

Three yards, silk screened. I tea-dyed it in my bathtub (sooooo not getting my security deposit back) in an attempt to downplay the unintentionally Hannah Montana-esque color scheme. Now it just looks like Hannah Montana fabric that sat in an attic for eighty years.

Knots

2011-11-19T12:43:00.004-06:00

I screenprinted this one (three whole yards!) in pink/blue/purple. It's soaking in the sink right this minute. Photos to come.

The Meantime

2011-11-16T22:16:00.006-06:00

Hello, strangers.

I feel like it wasn't even that long ago that I posted my first shibori samples from class, but here we are at the end of the semester and things are winding down.

Here is one of the other projects we did- a repeat print in three colorways, inspired by the design of Middle Eastern rugs (or in my case, an old tea tin that I found at the back of my parents' coat closet).

....

2011-09-22T15:22:00.004-05:00

Good golly miss molly, I love me some Fall. Have I said that before? I believe I have.

This year there will be pumpkin bread, cherry apple cider, trips to the orchard, and midnight dancing in my garden before I rip up all of my dying plants. Out with the old and in with the new. I'm also looking forward to the lack of leaf-raking (cause I don't have a yard, woo!), Halloween parties (cause I will be in THEEUROPEANUNION) and cold ears, cause I made myself this here hat.

I finished it a couple of weeks ago, while I was sick with allergy-stuff and bored in bed all day. The pattern is from Erica-Knits. I had to make a few alterations so that it would be big enough to fit my head, but I think it turned out quite well regardless. Now it just needs to be blocked, and maybe I will add a pompom.

(note: Is "pompom" spelled "pompom" or "pompon"? Is that latter just a european spelling? Maybe it's like the whole "sherbert"-"sherbet" thing.)

....

2011-09-01T14:10:00.003-05:00

Here are some examples of what I've been working on in class lately. The fabric is stitched or wrapped and the threads are pulled as tight as possible and knotted(oh, my fingers are covered in blisters!). When the samples are dyed, the color can't penetrate between the pleats, so those areas are left white. Most of these samples didn't turn out as I had wanted, but I do like the resulting textures- especially on the last one pictured below.

1. Burlap, machine stitching
2. Cotton Muslin 3. Cotton Muslin

4. Wool

For Your Viewing Pleasure

2011-08-18T14:18:00.003-05:00

Here are a few interesting documentaries if you've got some time to kill.

A revolutionary tattoo artist:

London apartment dwellers. Wait for the sad quiet man tell his story at the end.

Italian teeth knocked out of Italian mouths:

Tattoos and prisons in Russia:

Ghetto Home Fabulous: We Party Right

2011-08-15T10:52:00.009-05:00

I loved the Lord of the Rings so hard when I was in high school, you guys. Probably a little too hard. For a while, my brothers and I had memorized every line of those movies, and we would recite them all as we watched. Last weekend I finally scanned this poster that I made for my little brother's birthday back in 2002. I would hole up in my bedroom every day after school, pop the Fellowship of the Rings soundtrack in my little CD player, and bust out the colored pencils....

(You can see a better version of this on my tumblr)

Anywho, because of my undying love for all things Tolkien/theme parties, I decided to make everyone dress up and watch movies for my birthday.

My friends are incredibly good sports who are always willing to make me happy by wearing ridiculous costumes.

Here we have Tom Bombadil, Gandalf, Arwen, an Entwife, Sauron, Galadriel, and Gregolas.
I made this wizard hat the Ghetto Home Fabulous way - out of paper bags, duct tape, and tempera paint.
I think Tom won the prize for best costume. Those are wooden weapons that he made himself when he was a kid.
For dinner, I made four cheese macaroni with fried ham. The recipe is from the Best Recipe cookbook - literally the best cookbook in the whole wide world. Also pictured is my most recent garden harvest. There are sooooo many tomatoes - I need to do some major blanchin' and freezin' tonight!
Here I am as the Dark Lord, canoodling with one of my sworn enemies. A beautiful elf with a beautiful ent <3
I promised a certain lady that this photo wouldn't be seen on the facebook, but I love it so much I couldn't help putting it up here. She was showing us what Liv Tyler's lips look like, haha.
And you know that if the Russian comes to your party, then it is indeed a special occasion.

Next up: First Ladies of America theme party (oh, I hope!)

Tommy Toes

2011-08-09T09:29:00.003-05:00

It seems like my long, sweaty hours spent in the garden this summer are finally paying off. Everything looked like it was on its vegetable deathbed for a while there. But almost every day this week I've gotten to walk home with my skirt pockets full of tomatoes - in all sizes and weird shapes. I eat them the way my grandma taught me, sliced up and sprinkled with onion salt.

This one was my favorite. I named it Gomer :)

Laundromat Quotes: Part II

2011-08-07T16:52:00.002-05:00

Snack Bar Lady: Oh, you got the bad one (washer). You just gotta smack it real hard for it to work.

Me: tap tap

Snack Bar Lady: No! Think o' somebody you hate. Now bang it real hard! Bang it!

...........................

Uhhh, in other news, a mighty storm came through town last night and totally ruined my plans for swimming fun with Iliana. Afterwards, we drove past downed power lines and broken trees laying on top of cars while I smugly explained "this happens aaaaall the time here- no big deal. We midwesterners are hardy folk." Ha ha hooooo.

Sad Sack Mondays

2011-08-01T11:33:00.000-05:00

Ghetto Home Fabulous: Sugar Voodoo - Putting Butts on Vegans Since 1875

2011-07-21T09:53:00.004-05:00

I would say that given my "experience" in "sampling" baked goods "over the years", my cake-critiquing skills are....advanced. Not to brag or anything. But I do know a good cake when I taste one. And with that being said, I will admit to you that I think most vegan baked goods taste like those rubber chips they use to replace sand on playgrounds. Nothing can live up to my three tasty boyfriends: Barry Unsalted Butter, Evan Eggs, and Henry Heavy-Cream.

Sometimes, though, you become friends with some dude who does karate and dresses up like Keyboard Cat for Halloween and happens to not eat animal products, and you can't out of the goodness of your heart stand to watch him nibble on fruit while you shovel down a huge piece of Grandma's lard-crust french silk pie at one of your weird parties.

Thus, I give you the following recipe which was probably-but-don't-quote-me-on-this created by some lazy wife of a lactose intolerant sailor in 1870's Connecticut. Seriously- it's an oldie. And I said "lazy" because this cake is meant to be mixed and baked in a single pan. Yes, that's right! That means that instead of washing dishes while your goods are bakin', you can spend that time trying out awkward new moves on your exercise ball, forcing your cranky pet to snuggle with you, or crying about the direction your life is taking. Just my style!

1 1/3 c flour
1 c sugar
1/4 c cocoa
1/2 t salt
1 t baking SODA (not powder! not powder!)
1 t vanilla
1 T vinegar
1/3 c oil
1 c water or soy milk

Grease a 9ish" by 9ish" pan, yo. Mix your dry ingredients in said pan. Make three "craters" in the dry mixture. Into each hole, pour the vanilla, vinegar and oil respectively. Pour water or soy milk over the whole thing and mix it up, baby. Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes - nobody likes crispy cake, so keep an eye on that sucker.

If forgot to take pictures before I ate the thing, so instead I made this highly accurate rendering in MS Paint. Enjoy.

Vacation

2011-07-14T00:33:00.002-05:00

This is what I do in the car for eight hours. Do little kids still braid friendship bracelets like this? P.S. My mom used to use that duckie safety pin to fasten my diapers and she still carries it around in her purse. How bout that.

Here Is a Shell for You

2011-07-04T22:26:00.000-05:00

2011-05-27T14:24:00.004-05:00

This week I took a break from tending my jankety garden to actually work on something that is not related to my jankety garden. Now it's done and I can go back to pulling weeds. Hooray.

So, back in January, Mike made this film for art class by manipulating/recording video feedback. Eventually I was like, "I want that on my bod-ay", so I made this print by chopping up some stills from the video and gluing them back together. Like a mad scientist. I finally ordered the fabric yesterday, and as soon as it arrives I will be making a "Xenon Carr comes back to Earth in 2011"-themed crop top.

If anyone is, uhhh, interested in buying this fabric, you can order it off Spoonflower - just search for "ghettohomefabulous".

Pokey

2011-04-02T16:54:00.003-05:00

Well hey there. Long time, no see. Here's a little P[ro]J[ect] that I've put off posting for a while.

This is a riff on Nubby Twiglet's spike shoes from a couple months ago. I decided to use some cheaper canvas shoes (these are from Forever 21, and there are some good ones at Target, too), and focus the spikes in the back.

These spikes were purchased here - your friendly neighborhood goth superstore, and they come with prongs or screw-in backs to secure them to your material. Easy peasy.

Then all you have to do is walk around a poke people with the back of your foot.

The End.

Ghetto Home Fabulous: Don't Go Chasin' Waterfall Shower Curtains

2011-03-13T19:54:00.007-05:00

This is the "Waterfall" shower curtain from Urban Outfitters. Guess how much it costs? Too much for Heezy Breezy.

More specifically: $68 (there's a similar [quite lovely] model at Anthropologie that costs $118 - ouchie).Being kind-of-poor-but-not-really-poor-enough-to-justify-complaining-about-being-poor-all-of-the-time, I've got to decorate on a budget, and when I say that, I mean - make my own shower curtain and pretend it didn't cost me $50 (that's for twelve yards of muslin, two spools of thread, and eight yards of trim).

Here it is:
Here's what it looks like without the visual equivalent of auto-tuning:If you look really closely you can see my underpants still hanging from the towel rack. Isn't that exciting?And here is a close-up. I sewed a plain curtain first and then attached yards and yards and yards of pleated, trimmed muslin strips. That's about twenty hours of my life that I'll never get back (that I can fondly remember while I'm sitting on the toilet).

Two hundredth post, holla.

2011-02-28T09:56:00.004-06:00

I'm just gonna regurgitate some fashion-weeky goodness today. How bout these bitchin' prints, huh? As I've mentioned a couple times before, it's my dream to dress every day like a cross between Ms. Frizzle and an oriental grandma. I think these duds fit the bill.

Charles Anastase:
What the heck is that thing? I'll call it: "Satanic Barrister Pony".

Jill Stuart FTW:

Mary Katrantzou BROKE MY RAD-O-METER
All images from Style.com

And in keeping with the theme, a nice song from Pattern is Movement. Love those dudes!

2011-02-14T15:16:00.002-06:00

from the International Quilt Study Center and Museum

Not to, uh, advocate drug use or anything, but why doesn't anyone ever get high and design quilts? People paint or draw or whatever, but I want to see a quilt that looks like a trip. I'd sleep under that.

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Do like Breezy:
Read all morning about train wrecks and victorian fashions here.
Gaze all afternoon at photos of amazink quilts here.

The Were-Rabbit, Part II

2011-02-13T22:01:00.005-06:00

Photos by Moko.

The Were-Rabbit, Part I

2011-02-13T15:48:00.003-06:00

Moko, Tildar, and I had a photo shoot this weekend. Tildar thought it was pretty boring. She got some Cap'n Crunch out of it, though, which always makes her a little less cranky.

Moko & Me

2011-02-06T15:40:00.002-06:00

He likes programming, anthropology, artificial intelligence, and experimental music.

And art.

Autoprints

2011-01-30T16:40:00.004-06:00

Tommy had me make a woodcut for his papa's birthday last week. Mr. B-Bo likes autopoint pencils, so that's what we decided to do a print of.

Here are some examples of lovely vintage autopoints from the 1920's: I haven't done a woodcut print in three years! Somehow I remembered to forget all of the safety precautions, though. Blood was spilt.

Above are the four steps of a woodcut (slightly out of order).

1) Paper to transfer the design to the wood block.

2) The original drawing.

3) The carved block.

4) A final print.

And voila, the final product once more:

.....

The vintage autopoint picture is from here.

2011-01-24T15:39:00.005-06:00

Some rugs are too good for the bathroom floor.

Those Berbers know how to do it right.

2011-01-18T09:15:00.006-06:00

Prince & Princess of Bhutan, 1952

Diggin' that apron.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2011-01-04T14:11:00.000-06:00

August 2009 October 2010

2010-12-25T20:02:00.003-06:00

Sweater by Dad * Little Brother Photography * Crappy Photoshop Studios, Inc.

I hope everyone had a jolly good Christmas! Did Santa bring you what you wanted? I got an electric toothbrush in my stocking, and a set of turquoise special edition Paula Deen frying pans ZOMG. Now I won't get teflon in my scrambled eggs anymore!

Have a lovely night, my babies, and as Tiny Tim would say, "God bless us, every one".

2010-12-23T14:28:00.006-06:00

Here are some porcelain pieces by Guy Michael Davis. They were part of a group show of works inspired by Bosch's "Garden of Earthly Delights".

I've sort of nagged my way into a mural/fence painting deal for Community Crops, and you'd better believe that there will be some Bosch-ness up in that shiz. Because nothing spices up an urban garden like images of weird fish castles and tiny cavorting nudes.

Wood Myth Death

2010-12-15T09:28:00.005-06:00

Coffins from the Kane Kwei studio in Accra, Ghana

Sculptures by AJ Fosik

click images for sources

2010-12-06T16:16:00.000-06:00

Hark

2010-12-02T10:42:00.005-06:00

-Ruthenian woman-

-Swedish Saami children-

-Cossack-

-Nellie Bly-

-Saami family-

-Quinzong-

Inspiration for the Christmas gifts that I am making.

The first three are from the New York Public Library's digital collection.
The rest are public domain or linked to their sources.

In which I talk about some things and other things

2010-11-15T15:01:00.008-06:00

I spent a good part of the weekend sitting around in my cupcake pajama shirt and underpants(matching cupcake pants are in Denver, ok, and God forbid I wear pants that don't match), watching the Neverending Story and drawing comics.

Drawing for me is often really, really frustrating. I'm perpetually stuck in that little kid phase where accurately rendering hands and feet and sometimes noses is "wiwee hawd" and my lazy self hates difficulties. Right now, though, my art mojo is at full strength, and it is at those times that drawing is *creepy Edward Cullen voice*: like a drug to me.

So, uhh, I guess the whole point of that exposition was to say that I have 3 out of 10 pages of my Denver travelogue complete (it's a miracle, right?!) and hopefully there will be 7 more + 10 Missoula pages in the near future.

While you're anxiously awaiting my debut publication.....here is some highly recommended literature to keep you occupied.

LONGVIEW by Maria Forde

Actually, everything by Maria Forde is pimp (River Phoenix triptych, anyone?), but this zine hits close to home seeing how I have spent many many days in a nursing home, visiting with my Grandma. 'Longview' is filled with pencil portraits of patients who live with the artist's grandma, along with some advice they give on livin' it up.

Old people are awesome.

Image from here.
Purchased from here.
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I don't know anything about Lisa Hanawalt, but she draws pictures of animals in hats and mooses shopping for corsets. Right up mah alley. The zine's called "I WANT YOU #2".

I want you, too, Lisa baby.

Available for purchase here.
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The graphic novels I love the most are the travelogues. Guy Delisle's wife is in Medecins Sans Frontieres, so he gets to go to cool, dangerous?, unwelcoming? locales and then he writes comics about his experiences. There's a book for Burma, one for Shenzhen, and one for Pyongyang.

I need.

Available for purchase here.
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FRENCH MILK by Lucy Knisley is another good'un. Well, actually I can't say that since I haven't read it. But it looks good! A few critics gave her crap for focusing too much on trivial things and her whiny self, but that is what Breezy wants! Breezy wants to hear about you going to the Parisian laundromat and you flirting with Parisian boys and you taking for granted the fantastic Parisian vacation that is continually eluding Breezy!

*Cough cough*.

Available for purchase here.

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And last but not least, THE WRONG PLACE by Brecht Evens.

It's in watercolor, and it looks classy.

Two characteristics I usually avoid.
In books and in men.
I don't know what a watercolor man looks like.

But artists I like like this book, so I feel obligated to at least listen to the cool people and give it a chance.

Available for purchase here.

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So there you have it. Give ol' Breezy your recommendations if you know of any other good art zines/comics/graphic novels - ESPECIALLY TRAVELOGUES! And remember - Christmas is right around the corner *WINK WINK*

Now & Later

2010-11-08T13:31:00.003-06:00

Last weekend I made a short film. And when I say "short film", I'm just being pretentious. It was actually a thirty second clip of me beating up my little brother.

A little less beaver this time: And a lot more crazy:

It will be up later this month.

But here is another video that you can watch right now:

My Alice.

She is mine.

You can't have her.

She plays the ukulele in her kitchen.

No Vember

2010-11-06T11:29:00.004-05:00

You guys,

Thanksgiving is in nineteen days. Do you know what that means? Two words: Stovetop Stuffing.

In other news: Here is a hat that finally got finished.

And here is a picture of Seward, Nebraska.

All I Want to Be

2010-11-01T09:09:00.001-05:00

link

Westward, Ho - Part II

2010-10-21T00:07:00.010-05:00

You guys.

I just got back from visiting Sunshine in Colorado. What a lovely, lovely place. "Breathtaking vistas!" I shrieked as we drove the windy road through Rocky Mountain National Park. D-Bag replied,

"I took your mom's breath away last night with my vista".

I put up with the your-mom jokes since he tolerated my "white people music" on the ride down. And he gave me beef jerky.

We camped on the shores of Jackson Lake and saw a huge owl and some deer and this dead fish. At night, I woke up and heard crunchy little footsteps outside my tent.

We hiked up Shadow Mountain/Mount Shadow/Whatever. Sunshine told us the names of plants. There was a rock that looked like a sea lion, and one like Jabba the Hutt. We tripped over many tree roots.

At mealtimes, I sat around and watched everyone cook. This was the best pancake in the history of pancakes. Even with all of the bugs in it. Our last stop was Denver, where we rode around on the city bikes while S was at work. We went to the outdoor superstore, REI, and a very cool craft shop called Fancy Tiger.

In conclusion,
everyone needs to go to Colorado. It's great.

P.S. The photo above demonstrates how I lock my bike.

FAIL.

Immediately after this photo was taken, I broke the key off inside the lock.

FAIL.

Pack Attack

2010-10-06T08:50:00.005-05:00

You guys,

Today we're going to talk about.....fanny packs. Traditionally known as the token accessory of shameful fathers everywhere, they are also a necessary evil when it comes to outdoorsy endeavors. I'm not going to go tripping up a mountain again with a giant hobo bag full of art supplies and huckleberry flavored food, but it is nice to carry a camera/phone/cheese sandwich/etc. and still have your hands free for when you get lost and have to slide down a 50 degree grade to get back to the trail. Coughcough.

It is unfortunate then that fanny packs are boring, unflattering, dorky, and so ugly that not even Louis Vuitton or puppies can make them cute.

BLEH!BLEH!But then came the saviour of all fanny packs - the fanny pack that atoned for the sins of all of the fanny packs that came before it:Sold by carrotcake on Etsy. Ah! I'd wear the crap out of that thing if it didn't cost so much.

Alas, I am poor, and besides, last night while I was laying on my bedroom floor listening to the John Denver and the Muppets Christmas album, I got this great idea to just invent my own fanny pack and call it the "Butt Load", then market it to hipsters and make tons and tons of money, woo! Sounds good, right? We'll see how that goes.

2010-09-27T13:19:00.003-05:00

Now that I've found my camera, you can once again expect regular posts full of rand-o photographs like these:

Aren't you so excited? I know you are.

I spent the weekend lugging Tildar around like a baby (she's getting fat!), working on projects like the bun-mask, and going to Nebraska City to buy apple-y things and take Christmas card photos in the woods with my hyper brothers.

Stop by my house tomorrow night for apple crisp and vanilla ice cream! I am serious as a heart attack - do it!

The post where I say "wee" twice

2010-09-21T09:08:00.004-05:00

You guys.

Frank and I discovered an amazing hidden Kansas gem last week called Sycamore Springs Resort.

According to their website, Sycamore Springs used to be, like, the "hotbed of healthy". The mineral springs there attracted all kinds of sicklies lookin' for a cure and the business people who made money off of them.

Nowadays, it's still a pretty impressive outfit they've got going - mineral springs (water tastes like meat, blegh), campground, tennis/basketball court, a wee hiking trail, mini golf course, fully-operational skating rink (!), and CREEPY-ASS HOTEL.

Creepiness factors:

1. Look at it(creepy!).
2. It may or may not be sitting where the old hotel/hospital BURNT DOWN(creepy!).
3. The main floor is littered with antique physician's implements(creepy!).
4. The lights were on, but nobody was home, as they say. Actually, we heard snoring but never saw the other guests(creepy!).

In all fairness, it was also super awesome. The main floor had a den with a fireplace/TV/radio and a bunch of board games. One of the toilets was pull-flush(!) and there was a giant clawfoot tub in the communal bathroom. We got a bedroom with big windows and cutesy quilts for $55 and stayed up into the wee hours of the morning drinking coffee, eating twinkies and potato chips, and writing scripts for Ghetto Home Fabulous: The Show. Hee!

I highly recommend it for a spooky-fun weekend getaway. It's only two hours from Lincoln or Omaha, just south of the Nebraska border. And if you do decide to go.....take me with you.

WHY FALL IS THE BEST SEASON EVER AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE YOU'RE TOOOOOTALLY WRONG

2010-09-20T08:53:00.004-05:00

- roasted butternut squash with onion salt and red pepper (Is there a proper way to peel a squash? Someone please enlighten me!)

- pumpkin+yellow cake mix dessert (shiz is delicious!)

- The colors, Duke, the colors!

- apple orchard trips

- that smell!

- candy corn pumpkins on top of cupcakes

- HALLOWEEN!

- THANKSGIVING!

- CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE (yesssssss)

Tell me how yo' fall is fallin'. What is everyone going to be for Halloween, eh? I still can't decide :/

Yay!

2010-09-09T09:41:00.001-05:00

Sea Wolf is coming to Lincoln!

Let's go see the show together.
September 29th.
Mark your calendars.

2010-09-02T09:13:00.003-05:00

I'm working on a new mask! I'll put some photos up when it's finished.

...

2010-08-30T08:56:00.002-05:00

Even more Lincoln graffiti, including an inaccurate picture of Grag as an octopus with a piece of toast and a butter dish hat that Moko and I drew on the whiteboard in the computer science lounge.

Another!

2010-08-25T09:00:00.001-05:00

At 10th & P

GGrrffititi

2010-08-20T13:27:00.006-05:00

Today on my lunch break I toddled around downtown in search of some good graffiti.

Somebody practices their stenciling outside the Coho. They must be an animal lover - along with the puppy and panda there was a monkey, too, but that one wasn't very good. Keep practicing, Animal Luvva!

This one is outside of Spindle.

And finally...another pink rabbit dog! I keep seeing them around, but they are always torn down by the time I go back with my camera. People should leave the good stuff alone.

Dear Autumn

2010-08-16T13:26:00.002-05:00

Dear Autumn,

I can already feel you in the wind. Please stop giving me uncontrollable urges to buy school supplies that I don't need. But do hurry up and get here so that I can whine about how I'm dreading winter and the onset of my seasonal affective disorder, and also so I can listen to Sigur Ros with the windows open and feel complex emotions which I do not understand.

Sincerely,
Wheezy Breezy

GHF Trippin: Good Job, Washington. You Stayed Phresh.

2010-08-09T08:25:00.007-05:00

I'm lucky that my job takes me to Washington every summer. It is a beautiful city. Even when it is 90 degrees and 90% humidity. I love subways. I love putting my ticket in the ticket taker and I love watching the crazy people and I love the way the wind booshes your hair when the trains fly by. I had a meeting at the old post office. There is a statue of Ben Franklin outside. He is thinking, "This was my idea. Isn't it grand?"Then there were more meetings at the ugly Library of Congress building pictured below. There is also the beautiful Library of Congress building, and the Library of Congress building that no one ever goes into or out of. It's like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. They probably have Oompa Loompas shelving books.My favorite place to eat was the Hawk and Dove tavern. We also went to an awkwardly fancy Thai restaurant called Ten Penh at Tenth and Pennsylvania Avenue. It was decorated with colored lanterns and beautiful brocade upholstery. They gave us little warm washcloths to wipe our hands before we ate, and each person had their own waiter to spoon their food from the frying pan onto their plate. It was weird. I'm used to fake flowers and pushy waitresses.At night I walked up and down the mall.There was one hour to see a museum on the last day, so I ran to the Metro like a moron and zoomed down to the Smithsonian stop. The art museum has an Edvard Munch exhibit right now, but it was too far of a walk so I went to the Natural History Museum instead. It was neat and creepy. I had to pee so bad, but the only restroom I knew of was in the ocean room, and I just could not walk past all of those stuffed sharks hanging from the ceiling. ....
Ugh. My brain is not working so I cannot think of a beautiful, witty conclusion to this post like the beautiful, witty conclusions to all of my other posts. Coughcough.

I will leave you with this poorly photographed, crazy-eyed desert fox.
Enjoy your day, my babies, and go see Washington if you're ever feeling wanderlusty.

Suds and Duds

2010-08-02T19:04:00.011-05:00

"How long that prewash goin? I ain't seen no soap yet!"

Dear fellow LaundryLand patrons,

Please say more stupid things so that I can live-blog them.

Sincerely,

The Creepy Girl Sitting In the Corner Watching You

Animals

2010-07-27T14:12:00.004-05:00

Tonight I'm playing a game called, "Putting Off Long Overdue Projects By Blogging About Dumb Stuff".

It's a really fun game.

I spent my fifth birthday clubbing a baby seal to death, too. (Plato does not think this is funny)

Oh look, the backside of a polar bear. This is super odd, but I just think his hairy little feet are the cutest. Also cute: camel feet and mole feet. Not cute: raccoon feet and woodchuck feet.Vandalism at its finest. This has been on the lightpost at 14th and K for about a week now. I want to find the person who made it and bake them a cake. Does anyone know what this is, though? Some obscure cultural reference? I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a dog or a rabbit....

OK. Back to work. Bye.

Ghetto Home Fabulous: Trippin'

2010-07-25T20:25:00.014-05:00

Disclaimer: This post is about Kansas. Since half of the people who read this blog were in Kansas with me, you should skip this unless you want to see really unflattering photos of yourselves.

OK. So. A whole posse of us Nebraskans went down to visit dear, dear Anna in Lawrence (Larry). I had been planning such a trip since last June, but sometimes it takes a while for me to make things happen.

Anywho, on Saturday I gassed up my buggy and headed southward. It's so nice to see unfamiliar towns - even p0-dunky ones. Most of my job involves reading very old regional newspapers, so it is cool to drive through, say, Nemaha City and see the old town hall and think, "Oh hey, that's where that guy got lynched in 1872 when he killed his fellow farmhand in a fit of rage!", heh heh.

Highway South 75, if you were wondering what it looks like, because I know you were:Three hours into the trip, as I was attempting to simultaneously drive, discuss the movie "Inception" with my brother over the phone, peel a banana with my teeth, and sing along to the only CD I could find in my car - the, uhh, Phantom of the Opera soundtrack, I realized that I was not on the recommended google maps course. How did that happen, I wonder?

"I'm lost!" I whined to my brother. "I don't even know what town I'm in right now!" Then I saw a sign that said "Welcome to Lawrence, KS."

"Oh wait. Nevermind. Bye."

The first thing I did was find a bathroom and eat a buffalo burger. Not at the same time. Local Burger makes these delicious sweet potato fries called "Progressive Potatoes". I think they should change the name to "Totally Tasty Tubers." Anna's apartment is a den of awesome - pink walls, minty kitchen, shamazing wig collection, cats named Scully and Mulder - not to mention the Tiger Beat poster of Michael J. Fox hanging over the oven, bestillmyheart.

Torture Garland

Mulder the Cat

Sexy Priest CalendarAfter lunch, we headed towards Clinton Lake. We didn't have swimsuits, so we stopped by Target on the way to pick some up. Pickins were kind of slim, so I had to settle on a 50's style one-piece that gave me pointy torpedo boobs.

When we finally found the lake, there was a thunderstorm and the beach was closed due to flooding. We did what any sensible people would do and went swimming at the boat ramps instead. The rain was chilly, but as Tom said, the water was "warm as God's pee."

That night we saw Anna's play. Let me tell you, nobody does "bitter, delusional, ex-Southern Belle hag" like Anna. Brilliant.

....

Skip to the morning - I think this is how everyone felt upon waking up.But Anna made us pancakes and all was well.Up close and personal with Tyne. I sure didn't take this picture.We are messy.I refused to leave until I was shown around town. It is a fine place, full of Dillon's food marts and yarn stores and fabric stores, and lots of hipsters.We went to the European/British Stuff store.Hot Scots Throwin' Shots, woo!Then we sat outside and drank Frenchberry juice like faux winos. Megan was going to get a tattoo, but all of the tattoo parlors were closed on Sunday, so we settled for fakes.

.....

All too soon it was time to go back to Nee-braska.

Hasta la vista, Bébé.

After

2010-07-21T12:51:00.004-05:00

Ghetto Home Fabulous: Crack Pie Sugar Voodoo

2010-07-08T09:02:00.007-05:00

No, Wikipedia, I did not mean "crack pipe".

It's pie, Baby - crack pie. At Momofuku restaurant in New York City, some clever ladychef whose name evades me invented this diabolical confection, and on food forums all across the interwebz, people talk about the stuff like it's black magic. Being a practitioner of Sugar Voodoo myself, I had to try it. Plus, the recipe calls for three and a half sticks of butter, nine eggs, and heavy creme. I mean, you might as well slather your body in manwich and jump in front of a hungry tiger because with 27 grams of fat per slice, this pie will kill you dead.

I will now walk you through the process with the aid of these ugly photographs.

BTW, I probably spent three hours making these suckers, and it wasn't just because I am inept at pie-making. There are FIFTY MILLION steps in this recipe, and lots of waiting involved.

First you have to mix up oatmeal cookie dough. Looks tasty, right? Blegh.

I preheated my oven and wondered where that burnt smell was coming from. Oh look! Residue from my last baking experiment! How delightful.

After twenty minutes, out pops a nice pan o' cookie.

Then you have to crumble your beautiful cookie and mix it with butter and sugar to make a crust.

This is the part that will give you a heart attack - the ooey gooey filling. I will note here that this pie is really expensive to make. I cried a little in the checkout lane at the grocery store as I was paying $8.55 for a box of powdered milk - oh, the humanity. What am I going to do with a giant, barely-used box of powdered milk, huh? Maybe I will save it for Christmas and use it as fake snow. That would be sufficiently ghetto home fabulous.

Finally the pie is poured and popped in the oven. I didn't notice that this pie pan had holes in the bottom until I lifted it up and found a huge puddle of pie-goo under the stove burner. Oops. Hopefully when my landlord comes today to fix my leaky toilet he won't look in my kitchen.

Out pops the pie, a wee bit burnt. I do not have the ability to talk on the phone and take a pie out of the oven at the same time. Nor do I have the ability to pause a phone conversation when I have a pie burning in the oven. Even an expensive pie.

Second time's the charm. It still looks like the surface of the moon, but perhaps a bit more appetizing than its predecessor.

I prepared myself for the crack-induced euphoria that was about to come over me and stuck an entire 27 grams of fat into my gaping pie-maw. Unfortunately, I did not see any brilliant colors, nor was I filled with nonsensical feelings of invincibility or the urge to vacuum my ceiling or whatever crack does to you. In fact, I didn't think it even tasted good enough to deserve the "crack pie" moniker. "Bonsai Tree Fertilizer Additive Sold On Shady Website *Wink Wink* Pie" would be much more appropriate, albeit a bit wordy.

P.S. Hopefully my work IT will not notice that I googled 'cocaine' three times in the last twenty minutes.

P.P.S. You can buy a legit crack pie directly from Momofuku's website and have it shipped straight to yo' door. That is, if you don't mind spending $44 on a PIE, or up to $50 on overnight shipping (!!!)

Things I Did Not Make, Photos I Did Not Take

2010-07-02T12:57:00.007-05:00

Early 90's WWF pro wrestling + cake = two things I talk about way too much.

from Betty Turbo

Yes, this is accurate.

from Julia Pott

Is that hedgehog smoking a pipe?

Circus costumes on Flickr.

I wonder if they sell these at Walgreens...

Bork Bork

2010-07-02T08:37:00.008-05:00

Here are some photos from our Swedish party.

Britt came over the night before and we made cinnamon rolls using her Mormor's recipe book.

I let the dough sit too long and it got huge.I made these little flags out of construction paper and sewed them together into a garland.Britt brought all of her Swedish decorations.I made this wig out of a ball of yarn and an old t-shirt so that everyone could take turns being a blonde Swede.Oh lordy.Jovi came as Alfred Nobel/Bjorn BorgBritt wore this beautiful embroidered folk dress that she found at the thrift store. This makes me want to go thrifting more. The rolls were devoured by the viking hordes.I ate far too many.Moko wore toile. Toile is FRENCH, Moko! We watched the Swedish chef on TV.
Tildar was repulsed by Ace of Base and the Cardigans. She prefers Ravel quartets. Luckily, she fell in love with Julie and the horrible, tacky dance music was forgotten. George had a dala horse.
Now I have the dala horse (thanks, Brittie!)Richie Tennebaum chilled out.The medal ceremony scene from Star Wars was splendidly re-enacted by Seth and Clint. And a merry night was had by all.

....

2010-06-28T09:38:00.002-05:00

I once knew a fabulous girl named Eriko. She taught me how to screenprint while she was getting her MFA at UNL. This morning I remembered her and googled her name, and there I was on her home page.

One day during class she invited all of us one by one downstairs to her tiny private studio where she laid us on her work table, stuck magnolias in our mouths, and took photographs. It was my last week of college and I had been up for 48 hours, trying to finish my final projects, so I look a little tired, haha.

You should go look at Eriko's prints and photographs. She's so talented. I like to think that she is somewhere out there selling tons of work and sitting on a big pile of cold hard cash.

99 Problems and a Beach Ain't One

2010-06-27T14:20:00.012-05:00

Ha ha, I'm so clever.

The theme this weekend was "Gym Tan Laundry":
Gym = run around outside like a crazy person
Tan = get incredibly sunburnt because your sunscreen was expired
Laundry = what laundry?We went camping at Branched Oak. The water was nice and warm and full of seaweed. We pitched our tents right next to the water and went on a midnight canoe ride across the lake. It was creepy and beautiful. It's a nice thing, waking up outside. We sat here and ate smores, carrot sticks, and improvised pancake-balls for breakfast.Then I drove an hour east to meet my family at another state park. They had a different kind of beach. No fish but plenty of weirdos.

Gholam and Salmaz

2010-06-25T16:14:00.003-05:00

I really love this picture. The composition is almost perfect. I always wonder what happened to everyone on My Parents Were Awesome.

Northern Harmonies

2010-06-24T10:45:00.009-05:00

Here's a sneak peak of the playlist for next week's Swedish Party. Mad props to Mixmaster Jeff for the recommendations.

The Knife - Silent Shout
ABBA - Dancing Queen
Ace of Base - The Sign
Nik og Jay - Love Ya (Nik and Jay are actually Danish, but this song is too good)
Pelle Carlberg - I Love You, You Imbecile
Fever Ray - Seven ("We talk about loooove/We talk about dishwasher tablets")
Annie - Don't Stop (Annie! Where have you been all my life?!)
The Hives - I Hate to Say I Told You So
Lykke Li - I'm Good, I'm Gone (Old Navy used to play this at least ten times a shift when I worked there, ugh)
The Cardigans - Lovefool (Holy nostalgia, Batman!)
Detekivbyran - Hemvagen (weird little men playing synth instruments)
ABBA - Gimme Gimme Gimme
Ace of Base - Don't Turn Around
Royksopp - What Else Is There? (Royksopp is Norwegian, but this song features Karin Dreijer Andersson of the Knife...if you couldn't tell)
Kings of Convenience - I'd Rather Dance with You (also Norwegian)
Studio - No Comply
ABBA - Mama Mia
The Knife - We Share Our Mother's Health
I'm from Barcelona - Treehouse (not from Barcelona)
Sally Shapiro - Hold Me So Tight
Ace of Base - Beautiful Life
Europe - The Final Countdown (I peed my pants laughing once, watching my chubby cousin play air-synth to this)
JJ - Things Will Never Be the Same Again
Bjork - All Is Full of Love (Icelandic)

You can listen to all of these through my youtube account, if you like.

...

2010-06-21T09:36:00.004-05:00

My parents found this little window on sale at Menards for $17.99. They bought some newel posts, too, and my dad is going to use them to make a coffee table for me. Here is Pop's workshop. Mitre saw, scroll saw, drill press, and a handy array of tools and measuring implements. The poster hanging on the wall in the back is a photograph of this toolbox. The shelf above houses our ne'er-used camping equipment and is still my parents' most successful Christmas present hiding place. They know full well that I am too lazy to get on a ladder and climb up there to look.

Deaf Banana

2010-06-17T09:31:00.011-05:00

There was a secret basement speakeasy last night. I think it was actually more of a blind tiger... "Nothin' illegal goin' on here, officers..."

Most people dressed up like flappers or 1920s dandy-men. No one wore suspenders, much to my dismay.

There was homemade faux-moonshine ice cream, floating in more faux-moonshine. Renee is full of joy. She was our hostess with the mostess,along with Britt-Marie.We listened to Blind Lemon, took photos, and hooched it up.Hats were abundant......as was Renee.

(Can you spot the creeper in this photo?)

Next up: Swedish party!

Cretaceous Style

2010-06-15T09:19:00.004-05:00

My favorite pair of jean shorts is starting to wear out, so I made a copy of them with some added details (excuse the wrinkles). These are stretch cotton poplin with piping around the legs, pockets, and waistband. Scallop hems are pretty 'in' right now, but they feel a bit too granny-esque for me - impossible, right?! (although this is cute). So I tried zigzags, which alternately feel very dinosaur-esque. Now I can look 65 million years old instead of just 65...

Uno

2010-06-13T01:29:00.023-05:00

This weekend...I went to a World Cup dance partay to watch my old friend Junior a.k.a. J-Boogie a.k.a. DJ Encuesta work those turntables. He lent me his German jersey (Mannschaft, woo!) and I met a nice German boy who was so happy that I was cheering for his team, haha. Saturday was the farmer's market. I got a cheddar loaf, a succulent, and a delicious, juicy tomato.I got on my bike and rode around downtown taking pictures of murals. These are next to La Illucion......Lincoln Literary Council... ....and Everett Elementary.

They recently replaced all of the bus stops in the city and I found all of the old ones down in the South Bottoms/Bus Stop Graveyard.Then it was off to Pioneers Park! It's nice riding alone because then you notice things that you wouldn't if you were busy talking with someone. Also, you won't annoy anyone when you stop frequently to take pictures of horses...and graffiti...and muddy creeks. I stopped and tromped around in this dried up old creek bed. My legs were really itchy after that.

Sat by the lake for a while and ate a carrot. It seems like that is a great way to weird people out, eating vegetables by a lake. Fruit is ok, but vegetables! Oh lord, no.
Down the street a ways is Lee's Chicken with this wonderful giant chicken-on-a-pole.

On the way home there was this hipster garage sale! Vintage clothing, quirky knick knacks, antique furniture, and ...
OH MYLANTA A GOLD LAMÉ DICKIE! I didn't buy it because I have the best self-control in the history of the world(not), but it was really, really tempting.

Tomorrow I'll post a picture of the Barney-the-Purple-Camel-Toed-Dinosaur-themed shorts that I've been sewing - SO EXCITING, RIGHT? The camel toe part was obviously unintentional, as was the Barney the Dinosaur part, actually. Sometimes I like to...uh...let my ideas work themselves out organically, except that when I do that, my clothing just happens to look like it was designed by Steve on Blue's Clues. Unfortunately.

Dos

2010-06-10T09:02:00.006-05:00

Two good people had their birthday yesterday.

Fisha just moved to Europe for her job and hopefully spent her 24th sipping fine German ale.
Clinty turned 25 and hosted a smokin' party. Here he is, looking tired and happy and handsome at the end of the night. Last weekend he asked me to go see the movie Splice with him. I declined because I thought it sounded kind of ucky, but to make up for it I baked him this Splice-themed birthday cake. Part chicken, part fish, part baby Jesus, with a pea for the eye since I couldn't think of anything else. The sprinkles represent *the magic of science*, haha. And here, friends, is what happens when you drive a car with a cake in your lap and slam on the brakes because the car in front of you stops suddenly and you were too busy waving at your friends on the motorcycle next to you to pay attention to the road. Coughcough. Oh well. Taste before beauty, right?

Happy Birthday, Loves!

Walk With Me

2010-06-04T16:55:00.001-05:00

Handmade

2010-06-03T13:25:00.004-05:00

Last weekend, I went on what my family calls a Mall Shopping Death March to look for summer clothes. It ended with me stomping out of a juniors department dressing room and going straight home to order this fancy pants adjustable dress form so I can just make all of my own stuff and NEVER HAVE TO GO SHOPPING AGAIN. Suck on that, J.C. Penney.

In a matter of weeks, I will have a swanky new custom wardrobe and this makes meh happeh. Do you know what else makes me happeh? I mean, happy?

The weather today. Beeeeautiful.

Look at that lovely light falling on these lovely instruments that I never play. Happy happy happy. Also, my Pop made me this quilt rack. All my mom has to say is, "Bob! Build this girl a such-and-such!" and boom, it's done. He is a tool and die maker, so he is super precise and a very good designer.

On the back he wrote, "Built by Dad R., 5/31/10, For his sweet daughter Breanne." Aw. But seriously - I am not that sweet, Pops.

Emoha

2010-05-30T23:02:00.010-05:00

This weekend I went back to Omaha to visit my family. Hotdogs were consumed and naps were taken. I saw my four brothers, too. Two of them are real brothers and the other two are fake brothers, but my mom calls them all 'son'. They lift weights and play college football and do MMA and go to hardcore shows, but don't be fooled - they are cuddly and nice.

We went out together like old times to the park downtown.

and took cheesy photos.

It started to rain down by the river.

Then it got dark....

and weird(er). (We spent a good long time trying to figure out how to unfold that stupid umbrella)

Crossed the fancy new pedestrian footbridge - there is a creeper on a Segway who "patrols the state border" and offers to take your picture here, hehe.
A spongey kruller would have perfectly concluded the evening, but alas, the downtown Donut Stop is closed on Sundays. I really wanted to get inside to photograph the amazing kitten-poster-covered(!) walls. Another time.

...

2010-05-29T15:55:00.002-05:00

Here are some more gems from my high school days. The first few are from the summer when I tried to convince my mom that I didn't need a job and could just sell my drawings to greeting card companies, haha! Yeah....that plan worked out poorly enough that by June I was scraping plates at the Golden Corral buffet.

The last two photos are from a scrapbook I made about myself based on Fantastic Voyage(except for the part where I have a potentially fatal health condition and someone gets eaten by a white blood cell). I was just about to write "I can't believe I had an entire page devoted to my singleness", but actually it is not that surprising. Also, as you will notice, I was (and still am) a pretty big fan of crazy undergarments. My former roommate Fish will attest to this - we once won a Newlyweds-type game when she correctly guessed my underwear type as "multicolored".

May List

2010-05-26T09:34:00.008-05:00

Record players
Open windows
Red lipstick
Olive tatas
Watermelon
Tiny bananas
Shaky rabbits

...

2010-05-24T13:26:00.002-05:00

My dad has this bangin' record collection that I'd ignored up until I rediscovered it while cleaning the parents' house this weekend (I don't know how it is that I'm still getting stuck helping with the cleaning, but obviously good things come of it). Mr. Richie, Mr. Lennon, Mr. McCartney, Mr. Starr, Mr. Harrison, Mr. Taylor, Mr. Simon, Mr. Garfunkel, Mr. John - I love you all. Obviously, I ganked all of these and brought them home with me. Now, when I am sweaty and hot and cranky this summer, I will bust out a popsicle, pop a record on, and chill out. Minus the part with the popsicle(popsicles are gross!). Also, minus the part about chilling out.

Uhhh...play us off, Elton!

...

2010-05-13T08:49:00.007-05:00

This is Jojo. I met her two years ago in typography class. Jojo likes fashion, photography, crafting, baking, and all things cute. She and her friend Amy are driving to Montreal and they stopped to stay with me for a couple days. Last night we went roller skating with Moko and Starkey, ate pizza, and then had ze boyz over to play Nintendo 64, harrass Tildar, and [try to] make panda bread.
Note: Our panda bread did not look like this. It was more like "amoeba bread". Uck.

Today, Jojo and Amy will head towards Chicago and I will clean house. My new apartment is working out nicely, I think. This is my bedroom. On my bed is a quilt that my Great Grandma made, and Wiki's afghan. Outside my window there is an alley and a fancy yellow house. I keep opera glasses in the window sill so I can see who comes and goes at night while I'm in bed. I'm not creepy....just curious. There are plenty of mostly friendly cats in the neighborhood. I wish that I could find the one that I called "Core Kitty". She used to follow me to the grocery store and acted just like a dog.

There is also a lot of disappointing graffiti. This one is kind of stupid, but better than most around here. Like, there is some yahoo running around tagging everything "Diet". Too bad fines are so expensive and I'm in the habit of getting caught.

....

2010-05-04T16:02:00.005-05:00

Wednesday night is roller skating night. Knee socks and glitter! I wish they would play this song....

Ah, so good. Instead they will play Lady Gaga and Rihanna, which is alright for roller skating, I guess.

.....

Here are some cool photos that I've collected. Some beautiful, some funny, some weird. That's how I like it.

You can click on each photo to find it's source.

Have a good day, buddies.

Nothing Fancy

2010-05-03T21:45:00.008-05:00

Here are the paper bag drawings that I did on my trip:

1. The M Trail
2. Mount Wowie Zowie
3. Grizz + U of M campus from above
4. View from the M

P.S. :

Go read Wiki's analyses of Dawson's Creek. So good.
Who's your favorite author?
I'm preaching the gospel of Hot Chip. It's just so wonderfully freaky!

Ghetto Home Fabulous: Vegan Baking Edition

2010-04-28T08:52:00.010-05:00

Have you guys tried making macarons? Everyone says they're the dessert of the decade, but I feel like they would have fit in better in the eighties - puffy and brightly colored, you know?

Anywho, I'm supposed to be moved out of my old apartment by Friday at noon, which is really funny because I still have heaps and heaps of my junk over there. Unfortunately, one of my favorite things to do when I have important deadlines is to ignore them and instead go bake snobby, labor-intensive cookie-things. I joined forces with vegan Grag for this one, forming Team Ve-Greezy. Providing moral support were Matt, Moko, and Luigi the Cat.

The usual macaron recipe calls for almond flour, white and powdered sugar, egg whites, and flavoring, and involves a million tiny steps. Team Ve-Greezy had some trouble with this, being cheap, lazy, and vegan - no one has a good vegan macaron recipe! NO ONE! Come on, internet! So we improvised the ghetto-home-fabulous way and made our own recipe, based on this one.

5 T ground flax seed
1/3 c water
2 bananas
3/4 c (ground) almonds
1 c powdered sugar
1/2 c cocoa powder
3-4 T oil

Mix flax seed with water. Whisk vigorously for...a while. I don't know. Ten minutes? Grag did this part. Add mashed bananas. NOTE: If you want to, skip flax and bananas and add any egg replacer equal to four eggs. Combine cocoa and oil and add to mixture. Finely grind almonds. This will take a long time and the noise of the food processor will drive everyone in the house crazy. Add almonds and sifted powdered sugar to mixture. Let sit for 30 minutes (who knows if this makes a difference). Pipe/spoon circles of batter onto parchment paper. Bake for 12 minutes at 325 F. For filling, we mixed a stick of earth balance with 1 t vanilla, 1.5 c powdered sugar, and food coloring.

photo by Grag

Obviously, these look nothing like macarons. I'm guessing that they also taste nothing like macarons (I've never had one before). The venture was not an entire failure, though, as they were still pretty delicious. Plus, look at these whoopie pies down here. See the resemblance? Who needs those fancy macarons, anyway?

I've Heard It's A Butte

2010-04-24T23:35:00.016-05:00

Last week, I flew west over Nebraska, Colorado, and Wyoming...

...and landed in Missoula. Bam. I was met at the airport by several confused-looking stuffed animals. Wiki whisked me off to the diner and then to her sunny little house. That afternoon, I freaked out at the BEST FABRIC STORE EVER, and then we had cupcakes at Bernice's. Other stores of note: Shakespeare and Company(lots of really good graphic novels, like Skim by Jillian Tamaki), Joseph's Coat, the cool yarn shop next door, Worden's for candy/snacks/beverages/nice bearded cashiers, and Butterfly Herbs for tea, coffee, incense, stationary, etc. Looks like congregants of the church of Knitta have been hard at work. Anyone in Lincoln want to do this with me? There is a group of deer that like to hang out in Wiki's backyard. As I was leaving the house the first morning, I turned and saw this lady standing right next to me. She just watched while I got my camera out and then was kind enough to pose for a few photos.The University of Montana campus was really lovely. I spent a good deal of time reading in the library(which also has plenty of stuffed animals), laying in the grass and drawing, or going to the university center to buy muffins.
Yes, I consumed an exorbitant amount of baked goods on this trip, but only to keep my strength up for all of the hiking I did(or that's what I told myself). The two mountains that are most accessible from the downtown area are Mount Sentinel (in the photo above, behind the university) and Mount Jumbo, just across the Clark Fork River.You can follow the M trail on Mt. Sentinel about 600 feet up to the huge concrete "M" [for Missoula? Montana? Mighty Mountain?], where people seem to often forget their underpants, apparently. I would have been pretty proud of myself for huffing and puffing my way up here except for the fact that I was frequently passed by heavily pregnant women, toddlers, and old people.

A few days later, in order to have something to brag about, I climbed all the way to the summit- 2,000 ft above the trailhead. It was really cold, rain was coming, I forgot my camera, took a few wrong turns into the forest(pumas!? grizzlies!? poop of unidentifiable animals!), got lost, broke the rules and took a ridiculous short-cut, and made it to the top where I was rewarded with a stunning view and the letters MGMT scratched onto a rock - hipster hikers? I celebrated by spinning around and singing a mash-up of "Eye of the Tiger" and "The Sound of Music" until I realized that there were people right behind me.

The next day I hiked the trail to the big concrete "L" on Mount Jumbo - L for Loyola [High School].

Unlike the "M", there were hardly any other people on this trail. It was much easier going, and the vegetation was more varied.I broke trail rule number two by picking a crap-ton of wild flowers until I saw the little sign that says "Don't pick the wildflowers, stupid girl". Oops. I just can't keep my hands off of tiny pretty things. My first time out hiking, I went with jeans, a corduroy blazer, a large purse, my ipod, colored pencils and paper, wallet, cellphone, $7 smooth-soled canvas sneakers, and no water. STUPID. So this time, I prepared by wearing less clothing, taking less junk, wearing sunscreen[still got fried], and I had plenty of water and....trail mix. Back down in town, I found all of these little bicycles. Students can rent them from the university. I thought that was nice. UNL, why do we not have a fleet of little red bicycles, huh?Things were adequately artsy-fartsy.Here are some more photos from my previously mentioned squirrel encounters: I can't not mention all of the shamazing people I met while I was here. They must put some sort of awesome-solvent in the water, because everyone I hung out with was talented, charming, friendly, and good-looking. I'm not even exaggerating! Allow me to pimp some of them to you:

Wiki (of course). A.k.a. Alice Bolin. Poet. DJ. BFF. Generous hostess. Read her blog here.

John B. Bunny Meyers. Poet. Hilarious. Sassy. Makes a mean lasagna. Read his blog here.

Z. Cody Lee. Poet. Speaks French. Prints letterpress books. I do not have a crush on him. Visit his website here.

Molly Laich. Fiction writer. Cool, cool lady. Let me live in her house and hog her bathroom for a week. Read her blog here.

Additional props to all of my other new buddies whose blogs/websites either don't exist or elude my internet-creeping. AND, Thursday nights at 8 on U of M college radio 89.9 KGBA is the New Lakes poetry show which everyone should listen to.

The week ended with a small bang - poetry reading, poetry reading after party, poetry reading after after party+karaoke at the VFW, and the after-after after party at the Oxford Club with special guest, "Cheesy Fries".

I left on Saturday morning and flew again over Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, and Nebraska, back to Omaha. My happy parents greeted me with hugs, a bacon ranch quesadilla, and a Zhu Zhu Pet. The next day I drove home to Lincoln where I dealt with the sink full of dirty dishwater that I forgot about before I left. My bad.

P.S. Dear Wiki, I left my pink shoes in your bedroom. Sorry if they smell. You can throw them away.

Greetings From Man-tana

2010-04-21T18:14:00.003-05:00

Missoula's all magical. Like Oz. Or....Care-a-lot. Yesterday, I was just sitting' under a tree at the base of a majestic mountain, contemplatin' life and eatin' trail mix, when this little dude came up and begged for pecans. How could I say no? Cute things get whatever they want from me.

More Buns, of the Sugary Variety

2010-04-16T14:45:00.006-05:00

Yesterday was the day of birth of my beautiful Starkey. To celebrate, I created what I like to call the "Dirty Bunny" cakes, modeled after a picture my mom found in the newspaper.

I just took a round chocolate cake, layered on [cold] hot fudge sauce, oreo ice cream and another chocolate cake. After a quick freeze, I cut it in half crosswise and added the frosting and decorations(frosting ice cream is really hard! - that's where the "dirty" part of "dirty bunny cake" came from). The eyes and nose are m&ms, the eyebrows are tiny chocolate chips, and I cut the ears from envelopes, since that was the only paper I could find lying around(ghetto home fabulous). I forgot to add the whiskers, but you probably could use something like uncooked spaghetti, pretzel sticks, licorice, sour ropes, etc - work your sweet, jazzy improv magic.

I am going to go hit the hay now, seeing how I stayed up too late last night (unhealthy activities - french fries at the playground - turkey horror stories - plugging abandoned TVs into outdoor outlets downtown - photographing ourselves while sitting on random tandem bicycles), and tomorrow I am getting up bright and early to get on an AIRPLANE to go see WIKI in MISSOULA, MAN-TANA! Ahhh! Prepare yourselves for, like, fifty million pictures of mountains and sunsets and cool poets in the coming posts.

Current Obsessions

2010-04-09T09:59:00.007-05:00

1. Chin heads are so 1996. Why don't you all come to my apartment and we'll drink Surge and listen to Kris Kross and glue googly eyes to our upside-down faces, kay?

2. This skirt is so great, even though it would make me look like I was hiding a Sherman Klump butt under there. Impractical unflattering things are theeeee best.

3.

I will give five dollars to whoever buys these and wears them with an amoeba-print dress and frizzy topknot.

Junk in Mah Trunk

2010-04-03T14:38:00.012-05:00

Apparently I've been driving around with my entire childhood in the trunk of my car because when I cleaned it out the other day I found 1) The Black Stallion series box set 2) a shoebox of runner's up ribbons and 3) an envelope of American Girls paper dolls. What the heck? Some other treasures included:

This photo of my brothers and I molesting a deer in Colorado in 1996. Tube socks ahoy!This c. 1971 sewing book my mom gave me back before I was even interested in making my own clothes. Obviously I've made good use of it, hence my technically flawless bloomers, pfft.

And the creme de la creme was my old high school sketchbook. Since I am inept at xml, I have only these tiny scans to show you, but allow me to highlight their crappiness: On the left here we have Iekeliene Stange, my favorite model, with a cupcake-adorned slip-on shoe from Teen Vogue and a poem by Robert Brautigan:

If you will die for me,
I will die for you
and our graves will be like two lovers washing
their clothes together
in a laundromat
If you will bring the soap
I will bring the bleach.

On the right is Lily Cole in Hussein Chalayan. Above in bad French I wrote something like, "Without a doubt the silliest dress in the history of couture - it's called the topiary dress". On the bottom is a haiku by Taiga: "'Look, O look, there go/Fireflies,' I would like to say--/But I am alone." Emo much?
I think this one was supposed to be the "national folk costumes/ethnic patterns" spread. I'm still all about the lady matador style.
Anyone ever into Sailor Moon? I watched that, plus a bunch of Dragonball Z and Fruits Basket, but that was about the extent of my anime love. I was also pretty big into Japanese toys for a while, and brands like Tokidoki and Hello Kitty. On the bottom left page I have a random stamp and a poem from one of my dad's wacky treasure hunts. On the right page is a Tokyo subway ticket that I found in a library book, and the sketch at the bottom is copied from a bar of soap, I think? Soap or cigarettes.

Speaking of Dragonball Z, I had a big crush on Trunks. Yeah, and I was probably 15 or 16 when I drew this, if that tells you anything about my maturity. This Natalie Dee comic will explain the horse drawing - note the title. This is from a project I did the summer before college where I took ads out of Vogue and replaced the models with hamsters. Oh, the things we do when we are bored.

This concludes our short tour through my awkward, fretful teenage years. Stay tuned for more sketchbook pages and couture hamsters.

Nick Jonas and Cats in Flying Ski-Doos

2010-03-31T11:27:00.003-05:00

So this is just me rehashing other people's hash, but some of these illustrated celebwity tweets by Odess Begay make me giggle. [sidenote: 'Odessa' is so going on my list of future-probably-not children's names. Don't pretend like you never think about these things, especially all of you ardent baby-haters.]Her other non-celebrity-tweet-related work is here, if you are at the office and looking for ways to waste time instead of finishing that exciting excel spreadsheet. Coughcough.

Happy Wednesday to thee.

Black and White and Black and White

2010-03-29T19:22:00.003-05:00

Tildar does not approve of these cupcakes.

But I do. You should make some then eat a few and go jogging, after which you will squat down to catch your breath and rip a hole in the crotch of your leggings. It happened to someone I know.

Blooms On Mah Bloomers

2010-03-28T12:29:00.007-05:00

I've been looking for something to wear under dresses and skirts while I ride my bike to work this spring - don't want to distract oncoming traffic, eh eh. Bike shorts are out, just because there's nothing worse than sitting 8 hours in the office with a bad case of swass. I thought I'd do like the Victorians and go with bloomers. When I was in elementary school, I had grandma-sewn bloomers comin' out the ying yang, and I loved wearing them. Plus, this pattern from Colette is conveniently free. I like free things. Aren't these pretty?

Then I made my own pair and was delighted to find that bloomers are the perfect garment if you want your butt to look huge and saggy! Yay! They are rather ill-fitting, but this is probably due to my inability to follow directions and prepare properly. That's what makes me so ghetto home fabulous. I have better things to do than preshrink my fabric or buy the right kind of elastic or cut out those little triangles in the pattern so my pieces line up correctly blah blah blah. No matter. I will wear these anyhow because who is even going to see them? No one.

Except for oncoming traffic on a windy day.

Smug Narwhal

2010-03-21T17:36:00.003-05:00

Oh looky what I made for my shop. His name is Orville.

Rabbit Rabbit

2010-03-18T08:12:00.000-05:00

I've been doing nothing but drawing and sewing these last couple of nights. It's been good for my little heart.

Here is Tildar, on paper and on film. She is still as naughty as ever. Last night I caught her under my bed, EATING MY VINTAGE STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE DOLL. Guh.

Crips, etc.

2010-03-17T13:03:00.004-05:00

If I had $79 USD to spend on a plastic bicycle basket which I would surely drop and break after a week of use, I would buy this Marie Louise Gustafsson model from Design House Stockholm and carry my rabbit inside of it while I cruise around my neighborhood on a sunny summer afternoon. Unfortunately this would not be possible because A) I do not have $79 to spend on a flipping bike basket and B) in all likelihood, said rabbit would leap from said basket, bite me, scurry into a sewer drain where she would happen upon a pool of radioactive slime, transform into a hideous rabbit-monster, and join up with the Crips. Blue is her color.

Speakin of Crips...I am moving downtown in a couple-three weeks, hurrah. Tildar the Terrible and I found a pretty swank pad on Goodhue Boulevard. Goodhue will also be the name of my new etsy shop. I've been working pretty hard lately making cool stuff to sell like owl masks and tiny taxidermy. Planned shop opening day is April 30 and I'm stickin' to it. We'll see how it goes...

Whisker Time

2010-03-10T22:32:00.002-06:00

Happy Mustache March, everyone. As you can see, things have gotten pretty loosey goosey on my upper lip (especially around that there mole), and I think it's about time to reclaim my dignity. I guess it's hard for people to take ladies with facial hair seriously. Good thing I just bought that 16-pack of pink plastic lady razors. Godspeed to those continuing on with this month's fuzzy festivities, and just a reminder: Junibrow June(soft J's) is only two and a half months away[?!], so get ready for that.

P.S. I just tried to make s'mores in the microwave with my leftover Valentine's Day candy. Somehow I managed to burn the graham crackers into little black squares. That never happens! How did that happen? Guh.

Trois Trucs

2010-03-08T20:30:00.004-06:00

1. Mad props to the Alice in Wonderland costume designers. Alice's dresses are pretty much the only good thing about that movie.

2. I made black bean brownies on Saturday. I don't even like beans. And I didn't like these brownies. Hm. This is probably because I didn't run the beans through the food processor long enough. Blech. Also, if you are brave and decide to make these, follow the recipe exactly. I thought I'd be a rebel and tweak things like I always do (that's what she said), but seriously, don't skimp on any ingredients or else you will really taste those beans.
3. I fixed my camera so I can finally photograph my projects once more. All this balmy, rainy weather has me in the mood for artsing. Pictured here is the Daawuud portrait, and in the background, the awesome dancey-prancey gold leaf unicorn mug that we found in my fake grandma's basement. Fake grandmas are the best.

Cheer Tears: Sassy Singing Pony People

2010-03-05T10:52:00.004-06:00

I cannot describe the feelings that this video evokes within me, and for some reason it just seems so Ghetto Home Fabulous. Oh, the places I would go if I had such a pony costume...

Busberry Stopcake

2010-03-01T13:24:00.006-06:00

Turtle Loot Monday presents: I just can't take this level of whimsy. Just can't take it. Does not compute. I mean, if I lived in Japan, stuff like this would encourage me to become a hobo. Why have a home when I could rest my greasy head in a

FRUIT.

SHAPED.

BUS STOP.

Via Bluebird Vintage.

TTLLOT

2010-02-19T10:24:00.003-06:00

It's turtle loot time.

Let me start with a brief and boring anecdote:

When I was a sophomore in high school, I decided at the last minute that I was going to the homecoming dance. I was poor and afraid that if I asked my parents for money that I would guilt myself into buying a cheap, ugly dress, so I raised the funds on my own by hawking freaky little homemade felt animal purses at school. I actually did make a good bit of cash, but I've literally been trying for years to get rid of my leftover merchandise (which possibly says something about the crafting abilities of my high school self).

I thought I could never look at a cheesy animal purse again until I laid eyes on these suckers:

Kate Spade

Carla Braccialini via My Agent Lover

Modern Needlepoint

Fantistic, no? Owls are the new whales. Sloths will be the new owls. Just you wait.

P.S. "Things to Do in Life" addendum:

- make a pinata and fill it with frozen ravioli and other delicious things
- take a class
*tai chi
*car maintenance(inept, I am)
*forklift driver's certification(for kicks)
!

Ma'a Salaam

2010-02-17T09:14:00.004-06:00

My dear friend died last week. He was 24. I wasn't going to say anything. Everything I write seems stupid and crass.

I learned a lot from this experience, but we've heard it all before. Love. Enjoy life. Don't be afraid.

I've thought about a few things I want to do in life. It's mostly a silly list. I'm just tired of holding back for lousy reasons.

*See America with my friends.
*See the world with my friends.
*Ride an ostrich.
*Poop in the woods.
*Film an episode of Ghetto Home Fabulous.
*Ride a motor scooter across Nebraska.
*Learn a love song on the guitar and play it for someone.
*Have a job that makes me happy.
*Help people.

I'm going to go run errands now - transfer some money, send some e-mails, buy a plane ticket :)

Colors

2010-02-08T08:57:00.005-06:00

This weekend just floated by, it seems. Yesterday, I didn't change out of my pajamas until 9:30 PM. Sundays are for dish washing, quiet baths, and warm quivery bunnies. After dinner, I sat at the kitchen table and drew pictures of my friends as animals. A bear with eyebrows. Two foxes holding each other in a kitchen. A sloth smoking a cigar. You know. Kind of like my creepy little lamb-baby sketches from college.

It's been a long time since I picked up my old colored pencils. Maybe 2010 is the year for an art show, instead of 2009 like I thought.

Hand and Paw

2010-02-03T12:52:00.004-06:00

I like this picture. I like Simon Evans.

Yesterday, I was sad. I have mono. I am tired. My pretty pink camera is broken. [Other things].

I got home from work and turned on the TV. A little rabbit came and sat next to me. We watched Juno and ate strawberries together, and I felt better.

Animals are nice to be around.

The Bun, At Rest

2010-01-15T08:32:00.005-06:00

Did you know that rabbits could have so much badonkadonk?! I mean, look at this little apple bottom:Now all she needs are some baggy sweat pants and Reeboks with the straps HAHAHOOO!

Movie Knits

2010-01-12T10:05:00.003-06:00

Long, long ago when I was still a naive college student, I stumbled across an article on Fecal Face about artist Jeremy Fish. The only thing I really remember about said article is that much hooha was made over the fact that Mr. Fish was wearing the same sweater as someone named "Lebowski" and I did not know who Lebowski was but I did know that he had excellent taste in sweaters and I needed this one particular sweater. Four years later, I am much better acquainted with the ways of the Dude, and I still have not been able to escape the lure of his majestic cardigan. Then, voila- I stumbled across this pattern. God bless the poor woman who sat there and figured this thing out. Now all I have to do is knit it, which I am estimating will take me....about six months. Ha.

The Bun

2010-01-11T09:25:00.004-06:00

I now have a third roommate, Matilda Doris Cottonbottom a.k.a. Tilly, Tilda, The Tillster, Homegirl, or Konijntje. She's a Dutch bunny, just like the one pictured above, except not as chubby. Tilly enjoys running laps around the living room, pretending to poop under the couch(just to make me nervous), and straightening her cage accessories(GOD FORBID I move her precious cardboard tube). I tell everyone that she is my bratty teenage daughter - moody, stubborn, and she has the biggest tantrums. But, oh, how the cuteness makes up for it all.

Twenty Ten

2010-01-06T09:08:00.000-06:00

It's 2010! OH EM GEE, BLAH BLAH BLAH. Pictured above is a serene Starkey, and me with cellphone, bottle of Welch's sparkling white grape juice, noisemaker, and military police helmet(just in case). I was going to be a rebel and not even mention anything about the new year (or the old year), but I have nothing else to write about right now so here we gooooooooooooo...

Except for a couple of meltdowns, 2009 was much better than 2008. No all-nighters spent listening to the String Cheese Incident on repeat and breathing in toxic fumes at the printmaking lab, no tearful job searches, and no boys I thought I really liked calling me at midnight to tell me that they're getting married. Ahem.

2009 was all about

the blanket fort party a new car

a new apartment

a new roommate

a new couch

jazzy nights in June

touring the near south with the family Washington D.C.

the prom birthday party
lots of beautiful bicycle rides

a cabin campout in the quasi-wilderness no-shave November

Halloween+the Beav
tofu turkey

saying hello to Baby Lincoln, Baby Elijah, Baby Lil, and Baby Tony

learning new things, like knitting cables and playing the violin(kind of) and the guitar(just a bit)

Who knows if 2010 will be as good; one can only hope. Lots of splendid things are already in the works, like Britt's triumphant return from Tokyo/California(!), a trip to Missoula, making pretty furniture for the BoBo's (and pretty things for my apartment), our future Denzel Washington Rabbit, plus much more learning and listening and arting and crafting (and parties).

The Saddest Song

2010-01-05T15:34:00.005-06:00

I'm always searching.

Have a bummer day.

Malikaliki Maka, Everyone

2009-12-25T16:27:00.004-06:00

I am currently reclining on my parents' big guest bed, wearing my mother's stirrup pants, drinking tea and listening to Merriweather Post Pavillion. Here in Omaha, the roads have been nigh impassible since yesterday morning, but we've kept busy at home by opening presents(kitchen table and a blender, yay!), shoveling the drive/building forts(my fingernails are so white and clean from digging in the snow), and cooking the pizzas and roast for dinner tonight(can't stop stealing baby carrots out of the crock pot). I hope you are happy and spending time with someone you love. Merry Christmas.