Dear Dymphna

Dear Dymphna, Patron Saint of Knitters,

Do you see that photo up there? That's my hand, making a sad face. I know that hands don't have faces, but whatever. My hand is pretty bummed because it doesn't fit into the mitten that I spent my entire Saturday knitting for it. I was thinking that maybe you could pull some strings and get me a little somethin somethin that can help me with my recurring knitting problems, like, oh, the patience to make test swatches, or the wisdom to see that my project seems to be oddly shaped/sized and maybe I should start over before I waste my time knitting accessories that only Paul Bunyan/Thumbelina/Bulbasaur could wear. I would really appreciate the help, and so would my sad hand. Thanks very much, or rather, go raibh maith agat.

-Breezy

Oh Baby!

I am only exaggerating a teensy bit when I say that EVERYONE I KNOW IS PREGNANT OR A NEW MOTHER! And it's frickin exciting. I love tiny people that eat and poop and veg out.

I think I've mentioned that my friend, Winnie, was pregnant. She finally had her baby on March 21 and I got to see him a week ago. His name is Lincoln and he is soooo handsome!

Here is the blanket I made for him. It's the biggest project I've ever crocheted, but as far as blankets go, it's still pretty small. Part of it is because of this disease I have, YCADD - Yarncraft Attention Deficit Disorder. I am not kidding. I can hardly sit down and crochet/knit/etc. for five minutes before I begin to lose focus. It took me literally TWELVE YEARS to finish a latch hook rug(that is first grade to senior year of high school, people!). So this wonky blanket is a miracle! I hope that it is loved and spit up on and worn out and slept under for years and years.

Mein Hut/N'a Pas/Drei Echen

After a couple of knit-a-thons, I finally completed my Steve Zissou hat. I was really happy with the pattern - it was the Needle Beetle's "Seaman's Cap". I followed the directions for the size large (because my dome be HUUUUGE), but it actually turned out a little too loose. This could either be because my head is not as hefty as I thought, or because I don't even know what size my needles are and I refuse to knit pre-project test swatches - forget that garbage!

Jaguar Shark, here I come.

In other news, Wiki and I got together this afternoon for a flippin' craftravaganza. Look at all of our beautiful headdress-making supplies:

I was rather unsatisfied with my kindergartener-on-crack creation, but Wiki is stunning in her British Officer/Pirate/Trash-Treasure chapeau, no? This photo certainly does not do it justice.

Seriously, more people should wear things on their heads. It's fun, and funny.

Gladys and Imelda

These ladies will be in the store as soon as I get my act together.

Not Now, Arctic Puffin!

Yesterday I finally learned that spray painting in subzero temperatures is a bad idea, unless you want frostbite and a crappy paint job. I was working on the plaque for the back of Wiki's Christmas plush taxidermy narwhal. It came out looking more like a stain than actual paint, which I guess was alright.
Now we just need to find a way to hang him on the wall....

The Comeback

The store is slowly being restocked....

Pink and Red

There seems to be a fierce debate going on about whether or not non-traditionally colored Christmas trees are legit. My little sparkly pink number has been getting a lot of flack, especially from this fellow in the foreground(who, if you look closely, happens to be sipping cheap Canadian whisky from one of my measuring cups, hmm). I personally feel that Christmas spirit can and should be reflected in all different forms and colors. So if it's not green and it's not natural, you'd better like it anyway or I will judo-flip you onto my hardwood floor. Peace on Earth, goodwill to men, right? :D
...
Well, now that I've gotten that out of my system, I just have one other little gem to share with you. I wanted to make a housewarming gift for Wiki, and after listlessly wandering the aisles of the craft supply store, I finally came up with the idea for this watermelon apron. It was pretty easy to make with a fat quarter of red cotton, some green bias tape, and ric rac. You can't see them very well in the photo, but I drew on the seeds with black permanent marker.

I've always been crazy about half-aprons, but I never really had the need for one until rather recently when I started baking bread once or twice a week, which is can get pretty messy considering the fact that, um, I'm a bit of a slob. So you can bet your boots I'll be making plenty more of these for myself, as well as some to sell on etsy(if I can part with them).

"Try one, try two...try all!"

I have finally learned that it is not a good idea to make bets with squirrelly little men named Plato.

The first instance involved guesstimating Dustin Hoffman's age. I stalked that man at MoMA! He doesn't look a day over 65!! But of course I was wrong, and ended up shelling out for ice cream.

Then last weekend, Plato and I were talking before I went to see Quantum of Solace. My Pop and brothers are obsessed with James Bond; because of them I know all sorts of lame trivia about Astin Martin DB5s and Walther PPKs. But I had to be all cocky and think that Goldfinger came before Dr. No! Of course not. So a few days later, Plato and I were off on the hour and forty minute walk to China Buffet("it's a beautiful day!", "we'll burn the calories that we're going to consume!"), and I was the one picking up the tab. Meh.

Now I'm sitting at home, nursing my throbbing foot-blister and helping Wiki make duct tape Moravian stars as thank-you gifts for the professors who wrote her reference letters for grad school.

Paulo

It happens much too often that I am left standing outside my front door doing a little jig because I have to pee like a racehorse and I can't find my keys in the dark crevices of my faux-leather uber-purse. To solve this problem, I came up with the most ginormous keychain possible. I present to you "Paulo", the personified cupcake:
Actually, he was supposed to be a cupcake, but he looks more like a brown bowl of gelato. I suppose cupcakes don't usually have whipped cream and a cherry on top.

So....

Let us now focus on the bag instead of my ridiculous brother:

My friends, I give you the duct tape bag of the future. And by the "future", I mean the "present", heh. Anywho, this isn't your sticky, wrinkled, junior high makeshift messenger bag, ooooooh no. This sucker is sleek, chic and, er, probably not biodegradable BUT! perfectly capable of serving as a reusable tote for those small shopping trips.

You can pick one up here as soon as I get my act together and post it.

Oh My Sweet Lord

This weekend I finally had the time/camera to take pictures for minihorse! My brothers wanted to make it a creative family project and this is what we, ahem, produced: art direction: Bub

photography: Breezy

model: Jan

The photoshoot went something like this:

Bub: Ok, ok. Now stick your gut out more. MORE! There we go. And curve that finger a little. Perfect.

Dad: Oh my. Um. The camera loves you.

AND, I'm sure you're all curious: Jan is a 24-year-old security specialist seeking a good Christian woman who shares his interest in classic films, sports, and world history. He will sweep you off your feet, then eat all of the food in your refrigerator.

If this photograph won't sell my products, I don't know what will.

Hurrah!

Due to renovations and changes in staff, I still haven't been trained to do some of the things necessary for my job, which makes for long periods of time in which I basically have nothing to do but check my e-mail twenty thousand times a day and wait. Luckily, I just got a lovely package in the mail, and I will once again be busy making sure that digital images of historical newspapers meet Library of Congress image quality standards - yay!

I also spend quite a bit of time in the library's mail room for my job, and who knew that any good would come from that? Not me, my friends! But I was oh-so-wrong, as I realized today when I was rummaging through a giant box of styrofoam packing pebbles and came upon a graphic-tastic British airmail bag!

Can you say "RE-PURPOSE"?

I knew you could.

Ima take that sucker home, cut it up, and turn it into bags and purses and wallets! And then.... Ima sell 'em! Hopefully, if I troll the mail room frequently enough, I can find even more cool stuff. In fact, I think I'll mosey down there now....

Moan/Groan

I have been so productive lately [for once]! Here's what I've been up to:

- I finished/gave up on the Pattern Is Movement dress. I was so eager to have it done and be able to wear it that I skipped some important structural details and it is basically jerry-rigged with velcro and basting. But if I ever perform at the VMA's and need to make a quick costume change, this dress would be perfect.
- I made a pillowcase out of the Japanese strawberry fabric I ordered, and by golly, I will do my best to not drool all over it.
- I've been constructing little plush things out of my favorite poor-girl's fabric, felt. Mushrooms and cacti were my first experiments. Tommy requested a felt Ralph Lauren, complete with turtleneck, double breasted jacket, and pleated pants. I've made dolls before, but never with pleated pants, so we'll see how that goes.
- I've devised a crackpot art-in-the-community project which involves informing my fellow townspeople about interesting/obscure topics through the distribution of coloring book pages of my own design. The first installment will feature the movie "Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai" starring Forrest Whitaker. So good.

Of course this blog post would be way better if there were pictures of all of these crazy projects, right? Sadly but truly, I lost my camera's USB cord somewhere in the move. I have no idea where it is, and there will be no original fo-tos until I can find it or get a new one. Uuuuuugh :(