Thursday, July 21, 2011

Ghetto Home Fabulous: Sugar Voodoo - Putting Butts on Vegans Since 1875

I would say that given my "experience" in "sampling" baked goods "over the years", my cake-critiquing skills are....advanced. Not to brag or anything. But I do know a good cake when I taste one. And with that being said, I will admit to you that I think most vegan baked goods taste like those rubber chips they use to replace sand on playgrounds. Nothing can live up to my three tasty boyfriends: Barry Unsalted Butter, Evan Eggs, and Henry Heavy-Cream.

Sometimes, though, you become friends with some dude who does karate and dresses up like Keyboard Cat for Halloween and happens to not eat animal products, and you can't out of the goodness of your heart stand to watch him nibble on fruit while you shovel down a huge piece of Grandma's lard-crust french silk pie at one of your weird parties.

Thus, I give you the following recipe which was probably-but-don't-quote-me-on-this created by some lazy wife of a lactose intolerant sailor in 1870's Connecticut. Seriously- it's an oldie. And I said "lazy" because this cake is meant to be mixed and baked in a single pan. Yes, that's right! That means that instead of washing dishes while your goods are bakin', you can spend that time trying out awkward new moves on your exercise ball, forcing your cranky pet to snuggle with you, or crying about the direction your life is taking. Just my style!

1 1/3 c flour
1 c sugar
1/4 c cocoa
1/2 t salt
1 t baking SODA (not powder! not powder!)
1 t vanilla
1 T vinegar
1/3 c oil
1 c water or soy milk

Grease a 9ish" by 9ish" pan, yo. Mix your dry ingredients in said pan. Make three "craters" in the dry mixture. Into each hole, pour the vanilla, vinegar and oil respectively. Pour water or soy milk over the whole thing and mix it up, baby. Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes - nobody likes crispy cake, so keep an eye on that sucker.

If forgot to take pictures before I ate the thing, so instead I made this highly accurate rendering in MS Paint. Enjoy.

Thursday, July 14, 2011


This is what I do in the car for eight hours. Do little kids still braid friendship bracelets like this? P.S. My mom used to use that duckie safety pin to fasten my diapers and she still carries it around in her purse. How bout that.