All the Hose Knows

When I was in church choir in the second grade, I distinctly remember leaning forward during the Christmas program and loudly proclaiming to my friend that my saggy-crotched tights were driving me crazy. Then the pastor's wife [who I totally did not notice] turned around and agreed with me that saggy-crotched tights were pretty much the worst thing ever. Um, awkward.

But actually back then I really did love tights; so much so that I wore tights literally 24 hours a day until my mom had a talk with me about "letting things breathe...down there", and now I am still obsessed with them and have made it my mission to find and wear the most obnoxious pairs I can get my grubby little hands on. Forget cotton, the nylon/spandex blend is the fabric of our lives, people.

Let's take a look at the fruits of my latest tights binge:

1. First off, I looked high and low for the best pair of floral tights and found this wonderfully inexpensive pair at Forever 21. I wore these all day at the library and then to the symphony that night and you wouldn't believe how many old ladies complimented my "neat stockings".

2. I haven't actually purchased these yet, but when I saw them on Kingdom of Style, I about had a happy-fit. Queen Michelle mentioned that they look very "Eley Kishimoto", which happens to be my favorite design house(tied with Bottega Veneta, mmm).

3. Finally, I discovered sockdreams.com from the Uniform Project blog. This sockdreams place sells every imaginable variety of sock, including thigh-highs, which almost count as tights. Also, they don't charge shipping for domestic deliveries. High-oh. So I got a pair of grey scrunchie thigh-highs that are kind of itchy and make me look like a Japanese schoolgirl, but are really big and warm and made of organic cotton. I also got a pair of red nylon stockings which are also very warm but almost uncomfortably snug(there was a disclaimer about this on the site, but when do I listen?).

Let me know if there are other swoon-worthy tights out there that I need to know about!

Tuesdays With Markie

It has recently come to my attention that Biz Markie is awesome. Of course I would be attracted to any man with an underground hit single entitled "Pickin' Boogers", but I almost lost it when I saw him giving beatboxing lessons to small children on the best TV show ever, Yo Gabba Gabba (God bless you, Christian Jacobs and Scott Schultz, for making babysitting so enjoyable).

Also, I love this song so much. My goofy little brother will sing it once in a while, and it makes me laugh every time.

Take it away, Biz:

GUH!

Dear Melissa Kali flocked wedges,

It may be wrong to want you as much as I do. I don't understand this; I don't even like shoes. But then again, love is not supposed to be logical.

Love,

Breezy

Just So You Know

Dear all,

I just wanted to let you know that blogging will be slowing way down in the coming weeks. Craft fair season is coming up, and I am also working on a very special project. I can't tell you about it until it's finished, but here are some clues:

- my apartment looks like AV club headquarters
- I just ordered a pair of the biggest doorknocker earrings I could find
- George Dempsey is laying down phat beats for my usage (errr, I hope)

If I can actually finish this thing, I guarantee it will be shamazing!

A Day In the Life of Templeton Rat

Last Saturday, my Starkey and I hit up the Nebraska State Fair(it was my first time ever to go!). Our visit kind of went like this. It really is a veritable smorgasbord.

There were llamas, llamas everywhere!

Patriotic llamas...

Corey Feldman llamas...

Snobby llamas...

...and combat-ready llamas.

We fed this greedy little camel,

petted some gourds,

held baby chicks,

and watched this man carve a giant hunk of sweet, beautiful cheddar.

Ghetto Home Fabulous, Episode 1

Note: A lot of this is redundant, but I just wanted to show the final photos of my little couch. If you want the full story, read here. If you're my facebook buddy, I've already posted the exact same thing on my profile so don't feel the need to read it again :)

Synopsis: Heezy Breezy pays loud, eccentric photographer ten dollars to haul couch from dumpster to her apartment, only to realize upon delivery that couch was in dumpster for a reason. Hilarity ensues as Breezy rushes to refurbish malodorous sofa before her living room is overwhelmed by the scent of cat pee.

Suck on this, Martha Stewart!

Tune in next week as Heezy Breezy offers helpful tips on microwave baking and how to properly panic when something is on fire in the kitchen.