On Why I Was Not Allowed to Own Moon Boots As A Child

Howdy, Duders.
Lately, I have been spending all of my free time on Gertie the couch. Almost done (you can sneak a peek in the second photo down there). But last night at the magical hour of 10:53pm, my fellow spinster and I used a free moment to nuture our inner children and do a little craft project with some duct tape and leftover superfoam.

They're like beer goggles for your feet.

Gertie

I am currently referring to my derelict couch as "Gertie". She will be formally christened when she is complete (after I ScotchGuard the crap out of her). I've spent almost $200 on supplies so far, but hopefully it will be worth it! Now all I need is a staple gun and I will be able to get cracking. Above is Gertie's pee-stained, poop-green tweed exterior. We ripped a big hole in her backside while we were squeezing her through the doorway. Hm. That sentence sounded a little wrong.
This is after I freaked out from the awful stench and scrapped everything except what is now called the "couch bones". And hey, guess what? It STILL smells(it's those darn springs). I've got a date tonight with a brillo pad and a can of Comet.

This is a crappy photo of the fabric I bought. I really wanted to use an Anna Maria Horner botanical print, but it was $16 a yard. The stuff I got at coughwalmartcough was $5 a yard (sorry, Anna Maria Horner). I'm going to use those strips of gingham for the piping, which will be a big pain in the butt to do, but oooooooh well.

Mad Good Monday

This video makes me want to paint my face, pin balloons to my head, and get my boogie on in a station wagon.

This little site is so cute! It's been all over the crafty circles of the interweb lately, but if you haven't had a look-see yet, you should hop over there for a healthy dose of adorable-ness.The only bad thing about it is that it reminds me of my long, unpleasant dental history. When I was younger, I totally had a mouth like Sloth on the Goonies. My brother told me (and I quote) that my teeth looked like "the ruins of the Berlin Wall". After I had seventeen teeth pulled and spent nearly nine years with metal appliances in my mouth, I became one of my orthodontist's proudest achievements. Unfortunately, my future-perfect smile was tainted early on when, during a game of silent ball (remember that?) in the third grade, nose-picker Robbie Henricks shoved his beefy elbow into my tender incisors. Fast forward fifteen years to this summer when I was accidentally reminded that teeth are for eating and not for catching speeding frisbees. Now, I am finally forced to acknowledge the fact that a painful cruise on the Panama Root Canal is in my near future. ON MY FRONT TOOTH, GUYS! Drills! Needles! Hefty bills! I have no idea what it even involves, but I am so afraid to even google the term. I would really appreciate any comments along the lines of, "Root canals are really easy and fun! And your teeth will look even better when it's done!", even if you have to lie. Thanks.

Smelly Couch, Smelly Couch

I have not owned a couch in quite a while. This past year, I have spent a lot of time sitting on wood floors and beds and lawn chairs and papasans, while my buns longed for the tender caress of a sofa cushion. I could easily afford a nice thrift store couch, but transportation of large pieces of furniture is always complicated. So on Tuesday night, I did a little dance when I discovered a green tweed couch hanging out by the dumpster next to my apartment. I gave a certain eccentric Hong Kongese photographer $10 and together we lugged it up to my room.

Only a few minutes later, as I was driving my helper home, I suddenly smelled the smelly smell of something that smelled smelly. I shot an accusatory look at Plato and he denied being the source of any unpleasant scent. Later, I remembered the couch cushions that I had thrown in my back seat to carry to my room later. I think we all know where this is going....

Apparently, the couch was next to the dumpster for a reason. We will call this reason "Cat Piss". Being incredibly cheap, I refused to pay someone another $10 just to have the malodorous thing removed from my property, so I spent four hours ripping off stinking upholstery. Seriously, Cat, WHY?? The good thing is, now I have a chance to start from scratch with my lovely, non-smelly couch skeleton.

I would never reupholster it in pink, but isn't this one cute? I'm thinking green or turquoise. Or I'll wimp out and do tan. My lovely roommate is my polar opposite when it comes to decorating, so I will try not to pick anything that she thinks is hideous, hehe. I will be back soon with lots of progress photos.

Pants Optional

Wiki and I share a birthday in August, so last night we sat around eating naan and making early plans for the best party EVER. If everything works out, we will be hosting a glam-pop Lady Gaga fete in less than two months. There will be dancing, outrageous costumes (hopefully), and, in an ode to the horrendous Super Sweet Sixteen television show, a choreographed dance spectacle.

I am already preparing to make my very own plastic bubble dress (tutorial to come), and I will practice playing the piano while standing on the bench in high heels. If you are reading this, then you are totally invited. Unless you're that one guy at my bus stop.

Dear Dymphna

Dear Dymphna, Patron Saint of Knitters,

Do you see that photo up there? That's my hand, making a sad face. I know that hands don't have faces, but whatever. My hand is pretty bummed because it doesn't fit into the mitten that I spent my entire Saturday knitting for it. I was thinking that maybe you could pull some strings and get me a little somethin somethin that can help me with my recurring knitting problems, like, oh, the patience to make test swatches, or the wisdom to see that my project seems to be oddly shaped/sized and maybe I should start over before I waste my time knitting accessories that only Paul Bunyan/Thumbelina/Bulbasaur could wear. I would really appreciate the help, and so would my sad hand. Thanks very much, or rather, go raibh maith agat.

-Breezy