Blooms On Mah Bloomers

I've been looking for something to wear under dresses and skirts while I ride my bike to work this spring - don't want to distract oncoming traffic, eh eh. Bike shorts are out, just because there's nothing worse than sitting 8 hours in the office with a bad case of swass. I thought I'd do like the Victorians and go with bloomers. When I was in elementary school, I had grandma-sewn bloomers comin' out the ying yang, and I loved wearing them. Plus, this pattern from Colette is conveniently free. I like free things. Aren't these pretty?

Then I made my own pair and was delighted to find that bloomers are the perfect garment if you want your butt to look huge and saggy! Yay! They are rather ill-fitting, but this is probably due to my inability to follow directions and prepare properly. That's what makes me so ghetto home fabulous. I have better things to do than preshrink my fabric or buy the right kind of elastic or cut out those little triangles in the pattern so my pieces line up correctly blah blah blah. No matter. I will wear these anyhow because who is even going to see them? No one.

Except for oncoming traffic on a windy day.