Malikaliki Maka, Everyone

I am currently reclining on my parents' big guest bed, wearing my mother's stirrup pants, drinking tea and listening to Merriweather Post Pavillion. Here in Omaha, the roads have been nigh impassible since yesterday morning, but we've kept busy at home by opening presents(kitchen table and a blender, yay!), shoveling the drive/building forts(my fingernails are so white and clean from digging in the snow), and cooking the pizzas and roast for dinner tonight(can't stop stealing baby carrots out of the crock pot). I hope you are happy and spending time with someone you love. Merry Christmas.

Fresh Faced Party People

This is my buddy Stew. I ran into him at a party last weekend and I was bored, so we had a little photoshoot.

Some facts about Stew:

- I have no idea what he studies.

- Sometimes he plays the guitar so hard that he bleeds.

- Bought a pair of tights and wears them because he thinks they're cool.

- Once worked at a Renaissance Fair.

- Dances like nobody's watching.

Here are my other friends, HeMan and George Dempsey.

HeMan plays the violin almost every day.

- He studies optics and stars.

- Spent half the summer in Borneo.

- Rides a motorbike.

- Looks like Noel Gallagher and Noel Fielding.

- I want to steal his cardigan.

George Dempsey owns a very fancy synthesizer.

- He wears a lady's coat and carries a briefcase.

- I first met him when he [kind of] randomly appeared at my Dance Pants Party.

- His mother's pug just had puppies, and I am going to steal them after I steal HeMan's cardigan.

Cookies!

Tonight I stayed in my nice warm apartamente and baked cookies while my roommate, Sammarino, finished her finals. I made peanut blossoms and snowman faces(totally cheated and used Otis Spunkmeyer pre-made dough - it cost SIXTEEN DOLLARS for a tub of it, but I am a good cousin and bought it from little Mikey for his school fundraiser). My mom found the snowmen in one of her "middle-aged lady" magazines and we both thought they were super cute, so I went out and bought bags of twizzlers, cinnamon melts, and candy corn - all candy I hate, woo hoo! I am too concerned with how cookies look, though. They can be slightly burnt and covered in icky candies, but as long as they're adorable, I'm OOOOOOK. Guess I'm shallow like that! Bwaha!

Ghetto Home Fabulous: Lucy Cats and Crunchy Pointy Things

Lately I've been all researchin' mah heritage and such. I'm mostly descended from Germans (technically those pesky "Germans from Russia") but my Grandma Bettie was Swedish[-American] and I like to rub that fact in people's faces a lot for some reason. Like, "Oh hey, your Grandma grew prize-winning rutabaga? Well, mine was descended from vikings. Booya."

Anywho, during mah researchin', I found this bangorang recipe for Scandinavian "Lussekatter" which, in my Swedish-Breezy dictionary means "Lucy Cats" - something having to do with Satan, I guess. Apparently he hates the color yellow because it's all bright and happy, and Lussekatters are chock full of saffron, a.k.a. the King of Spices. I trekked off to Grocery Mart to get myself a little package of the stuff and I was much dismayed to find that it was MORE EXPENSIVE THAN CRACK COCAINE. So the Lussekatters will have to wait until I have Christmas money to "blow"(I made a funny!) on spices that cost $14.62 for less than an ounce. Ugh. Until then, all you rich people can look at the recipe here and have your servants make some for you, and all you poor people can look at this photo and drool:

Alas, poor people - do not cry. I have a recipe for you, too, which may or may not be as tasty as Lucy Cats, but at least it is extremely cheap and easy to make. The main ingredient is a classy little something I like to call "Crunchy Potatoes in a Can", made by those same charming people who crank out "Crunchy Onions in a Can". All you need is equal amounts of butterscotch chips, chocolate chips, crunchy potato sticks, and salted nuts. Melt the chocolate, mix everything together, and plop it out in clumps on a sheet of wax paper. I think these are usually called "Haystacks", but I prefer the monniker "Pointy Melty Cookies". I plan on making a bunch of and hording them in the freezer for my post-New Year's Resolution sugar binges. Mm mm mmm. Healthy goodness!

The Almighty CatClock

I have so much Things That Look Like Other Things/Things You Should Buy Me material; I just know that it is going to take over this blog, and frankly -or as the French say, "franchement"- I'm OK with that. So I need a clever acronym for TTLLOT. Tot-a-lot? Tootlelot? Total Lot? Turtle Loot?!

Anyhow, STORYTIME: When I was a wee lass living in inner-city Omaha (s'where I get my street cred), my neighbors had one of these contraptions on their kitchen wall and I swore on all that was good and crafty that one day I would get my little paws on one and my life would be complete. Naturally, I forgot about this sacred oath until a few days ago when I saw THIS:

on this site

THEY ARE $59.99 AND THEY COME IN EIGHT COLORS AND THEY ARE ADORABLE. UUUUUUUUUUGH!

It's like I need one, but I don't. What a conundrum. So I did that thing that sons and daughters often do, where I went to my mother and said something like, "OH MOM THEY ARE SELLING CAT CLOCKS AGAIN...tooooooo baaaaaad it's too late to ask for one for Christmas." We'll see if that works. Probably not.

Things That Look Like Other Things(Read Aloud in a Singsong Voice)

I'm a big fan of compound nouns - maybe it's the German in me. They lend themselves quite well to things that look like other things. Here are a few compound nouns that I wouldn't mind finding under the tree/in my nonexistant driveway this Christmas:

The BEARDRESS: It's a bear...and a dress. And it's three hundred and sixty dollarrrrs.

The majestic WHALEMOBILE: Ask me if I care if it's street legal.

The BANANAPHONE: I actually already have one. They are great for making your co-workers think you're an immature weirdo.

Kilty McKilterson

Remember when I said that I was making awesome Christmas gifts? Well I finished one early, and I had ants in mah pants about revealing it, so I gave it to Gunther early and called it a birthday gift.

BEHOLD, the fruits of my labor: 25 feet of wool-blend tartan transformed into... A semi-authentic MAN-KILT! (is that redundant? are kilts always manly?)

I was surprised by the abundance of handy kilt-making resources. This site is particularly good. I just followed the instructions, cheated with a little machine sewing, and cranked that sucker out in a day or so. The worst part was ironing all of thoses pleats, oh lordy!

Now the swine-flu infected birthday boy has something nice to wear while he smokes his pipe, haha.

[And oh la la, look at those legs. I promised I wouldn't post these on facebook, but nobody said anything about blogs (shhh!). Let me tell you; there are so many inappropriate kilt pictures out there on the interweb! I think I was blushing a little after doing a google image search, hm.]

Masterpiece Theater

Last night at the Man Cave we did fingerpainting and face painting, then we went on a midnight burrito run (with seven people squeezed into Gunther's little station wagon), and finally off to the countryside to watch for the last of the Leonids. Oh, sweet Fridays.

Photos by Matt K.

Ghetto Home Fabulous, Parent Style: Lil' Mimi and Buff Daddy

I just had to show you guys this -when I moved out of my parents house a year or so ago, I took my little bed with me so I wouldn't have to buy a new one. However, this meant that when I went back home to visit, I would be sleeping on a mattress on the floor or on the bunkbeds with my little brother(slumba party!). In the past couple of months, my parents designed and built this bed for me! Isn't it cute? My mom and I have different tastes when it comes to a lot of things, but I really do admire her strong sense of style and when this room is completely redecorated, it will go so well with the rest of the house. Then there is my dad who is amazing and can build anything out of anything! Someday I will do a post on the awesome Japanese puzzle boxes he makes.

Good job, Mum and Pop, and muchas gracias!

P.S. Look how tiny my old bedroom is! You can see how it gets such beautiful light in the mornings, though. It was a nice place to sleep and read and sew for 18 years :)

Mas Beav

I went home this weekend to visit my family. I was bored this morning, so my little brother and I had a bit of a photoshoot. Bubba, as he is called (ironically), is really into bodybuilding/weightlifting and never refuses to have his photo taken, which he why is also called "Zoolander" around these parts. We try really hard not to feed his ego. He is a sweet boy, though. I steal his gym shorts all the time and he never complains. Also, he has offered to beat up boys who break my heart, which is sort of nice and very unnecessary.

He was wanting to recreate the famous Bigfoot shot in this last photo. I think it just looks like he's poppin' booty, but whatevs.

I'm sure this won't be the last you see of the beav.

The Beav, and More

October 31st was a beautiful day weather-wise in my part of the world, and sadly it was probably my last really good day of bike riding, lakeside lounging, and outside cider drinking before the cold comes. Oh well.

That night, Gregoire and Moko Gobo threw a mean party, and by "mean" I mean...mellow. Below is the lovely ostrich rider, Matt K., from whom I ganked all of these photos. Thanks, Matt K.
From left to right: "Daria" [showing a lot too much leg], Large Enthusiastic Boy Who Couldn't Remember Anyone's Name, and "Michael Moore".

Oh Em Gee, "Slutty Spock". Best costume evah.

Daawuud was "Bro Magnon Man: half frat boy, half Neanderthal." I drew on his unibrow with permanent marker. Who knows how long he had to scrub to get it off. (Although, last year I drew my chest hair on with permanent marker and it came off quite easily)

From left to right: Pants Party Starkey - she bought XXXXL sweatpants and filled them with balloons, confetti and noise makers. In the middle is Pirate Potter, and then there is me, as the Beav. I almost [not really] died making that stupid beavotard. I thought I would be all smart and make a cast of my body to use as a pattern. This involved covering my torso in plastic wrap and strips of tape. I could not for the life of me cut it off, though, and I sat sweatily on the living room couch, waiting for my roommate to come home and help me until I realized that she was three hours away in another state. So I went back to hacking away at the thing; I seriously felt like I was in a Lady Gaga music video, tripping around my apartment in this weird, shiny green bodysuit. Of course I finally managed to get it off and it worked wonderfully, but that is on my list of things to never do again. Besides Gregoire's party, we went to a couple of others. There was a show at the Clawfoot House where Triggertown was playing some knee-slappin-bluegrass-jugband-I-don't-even-know-music. Unfortunately, due to my lack of vision and intense concentration on my fancy footwork, I totally failed to notice that I was being asked to dance by this handsome, bearded guitar-playing man who I have crushed on for forever. You guys, it felt like that one part in the Dennis the Menace movie where Mr. Wilson has spent 40 years cultivating his prized orchid, only to miss it's one and only bloom. MY ORCHID IS DEAD!

Just kidding, I have lots of orchids.

Let me know how your Halloween was if you haven't already, and welcome to No-Shave November! I am participating, but there will no photos of that here, hehe sorry! Hairy armpits are where I draw the line on this blog :)

Tomorrow.

Is.

Halloween.

I'm going to glue buck teeth onto the bear mask and call it a beaver. Also, I have dubbed my faux fur leotard "The Beavotard". There will be mucho photos tomorrow, along with the story of how the Beavotard was made(oh hardy har, it's a good one).

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I got a fish last Monday. He is pink and purple and my roommate and I named him Morgan Freeman. Mostly we did this so we could say things like, "Morgan Freeman was looking a little bloated this morning" and "Oh thank goodness, Morgan Freeman finally pooped!"

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It is cold and rainy. Mm, not my favorite weather. My feet get wet, they smell, then I am sitting in a meeting and someone asks, "What is that bad smell?" and finally I slip altoids into my shoes when no one is looking. The altoids do not help.

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I heart rustic living. Let's all be hermits.

at Platte River State Park

Jingle Jingle Jingle

You guys! It is not even Halloween yet and I am already looking ahead to Christmas! I need to stop doing that; time goes by too, too fast when I'm not livin' in the moment.

However, it is probably good that I am really trying to get the whole Christmas-gift-situation figured out early this year. I love my friends, and I so want to make them awesome, meaningful presents. The past few years, I have procrastinated too much and then ended up with nothing at all to give, so this time around I am starting early, thinking about homemade coloring books and paper dolls and other things that are too surpris-ish to mention. And then there will be the cookies and decorations and parties, too...
This photo is from my Christmas party last year. I think it was taken right after someone farted, as you might be able to tell from the facial expressions. It is probably one of my most favorite photographs ever because of this.

Now I promise, no more Christmas posts until December - SCOUT'S HONOR. The next post will be about my new pet fish, and then the next one about Halloween. I'm sure you're all very excited, hehe.

A List of Facts:

1. It is 11:15pm central time.

2. I am awake.

3. Sewing a leotard.

4. Made of fake fur.

5. To be worn with this:

Dreamy Ladies

Last night I watched this and this..

And then I watched this. Takk, Gunther, for noticing.

Ghetto Fabulous Weekend

Last Saturday I went with Starkey and Gunther to Grand Island. It was grand. Hahahahaho.

No really. We watched the Harvest of Harmonies parade (best. name. ever.), and then we went to see Sasquatch! There is a house, just in a regular neighborhood, and in the backyard there are giant sculptures of Bigfoot and a T-Rex and a bunch of bug-eyed deer! If I ever get a house, I will have a giant statue of a twinkie in my yard, and you'll be able to squeeze through the creme holes and play inside. Mm. All of the children will love me.

Then we returned to Linktown and I went to Jessica and Matt's SHAMAZING wedding with MY WIKI WHO CAME BACK TO ME FROM MONTANA (just for the weekend). We boogied the night away and had an overall jolly good time. Here is a photo of me doing the polka in a dress that I made myself just for the occasion. It was very simple and perhaps I'll give a tutorial later.

(Yes, that is my telephone sticking out of my bra. Don't hate - it's a very handy place to store things)

You should go to the oh-so-talented Michaela's blog and check out the adorable wedding photos! I especially love the one of the post-ceremony bike parade :)

Happy Tuesday!

All the Hose Knows

When I was in church choir in the second grade, I distinctly remember leaning forward during the Christmas program and loudly proclaiming to my friend that my saggy-crotched tights were driving me crazy. Then the pastor's wife [who I totally did not notice] turned around and agreed with me that saggy-crotched tights were pretty much the worst thing ever. Um, awkward.

But actually back then I really did love tights; so much so that I wore tights literally 24 hours a day until my mom had a talk with me about "letting things breathe...down there", and now I am still obsessed with them and have made it my mission to find and wear the most obnoxious pairs I can get my grubby little hands on. Forget cotton, the nylon/spandex blend is the fabric of our lives, people.

Let's take a look at the fruits of my latest tights binge:

1. First off, I looked high and low for the best pair of floral tights and found this wonderfully inexpensive pair at Forever 21. I wore these all day at the library and then to the symphony that night and you wouldn't believe how many old ladies complimented my "neat stockings".

2. I haven't actually purchased these yet, but when I saw them on Kingdom of Style, I about had a happy-fit. Queen Michelle mentioned that they look very "Eley Kishimoto", which happens to be my favorite design house(tied with Bottega Veneta, mmm).

3. Finally, I discovered sockdreams.com from the Uniform Project blog. This sockdreams place sells every imaginable variety of sock, including thigh-highs, which almost count as tights. Also, they don't charge shipping for domestic deliveries. High-oh. So I got a pair of grey scrunchie thigh-highs that are kind of itchy and make me look like a Japanese schoolgirl, but are really big and warm and made of organic cotton. I also got a pair of red nylon stockings which are also very warm but almost uncomfortably snug(there was a disclaimer about this on the site, but when do I listen?).

Let me know if there are other swoon-worthy tights out there that I need to know about!

Tuesdays With Markie

It has recently come to my attention that Biz Markie is awesome. Of course I would be attracted to any man with an underground hit single entitled "Pickin' Boogers", but I almost lost it when I saw him giving beatboxing lessons to small children on the best TV show ever, Yo Gabba Gabba (God bless you, Christian Jacobs and Scott Schultz, for making babysitting so enjoyable).

Also, I love this song so much. My goofy little brother will sing it once in a while, and it makes me laugh every time.

Take it away, Biz:

GUH!

Dear Melissa Kali flocked wedges,

It may be wrong to want you as much as I do. I don't understand this; I don't even like shoes. But then again, love is not supposed to be logical.

Love,

Breezy